No one said meeting new people was easy. Let me take that back, meeting new people is actually relatively easy and painless. We meet new people each and every day, especially if you are relatively outgoing and not a total asshole. No one said that meeting new people to date was easy, and it's not. The last place you want to find a mate is at the bar. But, then you think to yourself...I'm relatively normal (maybe not ME, but you probably are), I'm relatively attractive, I have my shit relatively together...and I am here. Why wouldn't other "relatively normal" people be here, also? They are...and they would most likely be more "relatively" reasonable if they didn't take advice from dumb books and even dumber friends.
There have been countless books written, one of the most notable, "The Game", by Neil Strauss, and thousands of articles in Mens Health, Maxim, GQ, and Playboy. For every article out there that tells women what to eat, what to wear, how to talk, how to have sex, and how to think, there is an article for men that explains how to get that woman. The more I go out and get approached, the more I realize that these articles are really doing men a disservice.
I'm not going to begin to pretend that I am a dating expert. I actually HATE going on dates. Yes, I said that. But I do love meeting new people and I think I'm fairly good at that. I will give a quick run down on what NOT to do. Guys, you can make your own solutions based on deductive reasoning.
1. Approach a group of girls and then immediately ask them a "pretend" question:
"Ladies, can I ask you a question". Was that a statement or an actual question, guy? If that was a question, you just did and we're now done with this conversation. You can't ask a question with another question. Idiot.
"My friend and I have a bet...". Just stop right there. Unless you're in Vegas or have $50 on the game, what "bet" do you have? Who bets at the bar? No one that I want to talk to.
Look, approaching women is NOT easy. I actually feel bad for guys-it has to be pretty intimidating to approach a group of women who will immediately judge you as soon as you are within 10 feet of them. Chances are, they were judging you before you even noticed them. Harsh, I know. Why put yourself in a position where the group can say no? Roll their eyes. Scowl. Grab their brooms. I mean, sure, statistically you have a chance. Group of 3 girls....one may be interested. But, then you have to entertain her friends...and we can be a tough crowd. We will immediately think that your boys were too "shy" to approach us with you...no one wants the "others" who have no confidence. We want the front man, but there has GOT to be another way to be the front man rather than "may I ask you a question". (quivers....)
2. Liquid Courage will mask social cues.
So you have a few brewskis in ya and you're ready to approach that hot girl playing with the straw in her vodka cranberry. Good for you. Having a motive is always a good thing...but make sure you have a plan. I was out with 3 of my girlfriends on Saturday. We were clearly in a deep discussion, sitting at a high top table upstairs, away from the dj and music in the basement of the restaurant. If we wanted to dance, then we would be downstairs. If we wanted to be approached, we wouldn't be sitting in a quiet corner. If we wanted you to come up to us, we would have been giving you non-verbal hints....yeah, we didn't.
Without saying "excuse me", a guy sitting at the table next to us looked at me and said.."do you know my friend, Mike", and pointed to a VERY drunk man sitting across the table. He could barely keep his head up.
I said, "yeah, I went to high school with him. Too bad he was never able to make the football team like his brother". "OHHHHHHHHHHHHH DAMN!", screamed the guy. "you all know eachother?!", he asked again.
"um, I have never seen him in my life", and I turned around. Apparently, my not so subtle insult to his friend was not a big enough hint, so he decided to get up and actually come stand at our table. Awesome.
My friends and I were in the middle of an enjoyable discussion, but once the guy was up in our face, we had no choice but to stop talking and look at him. He was not a bad looking guy, actually. He was dressed fairly well. Nice teeth. Smelled pleasant. So why was I turned off?
He was saying "Hey, do you know my friend" to every single girl who walked past him and his friend. He literally hit on every girl who walked by. Every. Single. One. Really? Listen, I was never a strong math student and I definitely never completed a statistics course. However, at what point did these guys think that their cat calls to EVERY SINGLE GIRL would be successful? We were sitting ducks, waiting for our tab, so we couldn't walk away from them. Otherwise, we would have. Don't insult the girls who you are trying to hit on by hollering on every other thing that walks by. Doesn't seem to genuine to me. Not like bar pick-up lines are ever genuine, but don't be so obviously desperate. Gross. I don't know your friend. I don't know you. I don't want to know either one of you. Next.
3. Hey, want to do a shot?
I'm at a bar. Why wouldn't I want to do a shot? Only problem is, I have absolutely no idea who you are and you have absolutely no idea who I am. Unless this is a "pay it forward" scenario because you felt compelled to "give back" after watching some feel good episode of The View (and if you're a guy, you shouldn't be watching The View), then why would you want to spend your money on a complete stranger? UNLESS of course, you want to have sex with her. Then, well, you are suggesting an exchange. Our culture would classify this as "prostitution". You pay me money or give me a tangible good (hiccup, thanks for the shot), and I give you sex? Is that how this works?
Offering a stranger a shot or cocktail without even knowing her name implies you don't have the confidence to roll without incentives. Are you confident in what you have going on? Then you don't need any toys or "freebies" to gain a fan. Right? Are the first 10 girls that talk to you going to receive a limited edition bobble head? Most girls, again, MOST girls who are respectable, independent, self-stable, and mature will turn down a drink from a complete stranger. If they don't....well, you got what you are looking for. A prostitute.
4. My friend is shy.
Okay, so then what are you? Wing men should be seen as co-pilots, NOT kamikazes. So, your buddy is shy but thinks someone in my group is pretty? Do you feel the same way? Are you just the messenger? Since when is "my buddy is shy" considered to be a top selling point of said 'buddy'? Why not, "my buddy just broke up with his girlfriend, is TOTALLY messed up in the head, just needs to get laid, and forgot how to approach women". That would be way more respectable and believable than "my buddy is shy". Why? Because I have seen that "shy" man turn "un-shy" in a matter of moments when you start talking to him. Shy isn't a mood, it's a characteristic. Next time a guy approaches me and says that, I will turn to whoever is closest to me and say, "My friend is a whore". It's a lie...so is the line "my buddy is shy, but thinks you are cute". He may think I'm cute, but he certainly is not shy.
5. Grab a girl when she walks by.
Certain ethnic groups seem to think this is more acceptable than others, but regardless...do not touch me or my friends. Never. Who does that? Unless you are notifying us that we dropped our phone or scarf, hands off. A lot of men gather near the bathrooms because they know women are vulnerable when they need to pee. We are in heels. We likely have to wait in a huge line because girls don't know how to pee and usually roam in packs. The LAST thing we want is to be delayed when hustling to the bathroom. It's gross. It's desperate. It's not cool.
6. Ownership
Just because a girl talks to you for a few moments, does not mean she wants to talk to you for the rest of the night. (see #3. Buying her a drink will NOT make her like you more. Ever). Don't take it personally. Don't get all defensive. Don't be a dick to the other guys she does want to talk to. That said, do not make personal slams against her. "OH, okay, I see how it is. Whatever, you're not that hot anyway". Yes I am. I am......you know that I am. Sorry you couldn't pick up on the non-verbal body language I was giving you and especially the verbal ones: "I need to find my friends", "I think I know her", "I feel like I'm going to throw up", "I need to take my medication", "I think I just started my period". Take a hint. Please. We don't want to be bitches, so please don't bring it out of us by being completely clueless.
Again, the bar scene can be brutal and expensive. Don't go out to meet girls...go out to have a good time. If you meet girls, cool. If you don't, cool. When you validate a night's success based on if you meet a girl or not, then your definition of "success" needs some brushing up on. Hopefully this tips of what NOT to do helped ya out....I'm not entirely sure what does work, but I certainly know what doesn't work. #1-6 never work.
Never.
You're welcome.
Monday, November 4, 2013
Friday, September 7, 2012
why you should write in ryan gosling on the 2012 presidential ballot
While the Democrats are talking about "hope and change", and the Republicans count their money as the rest of us sit back and watch, I have decided to take on the role of Ryan Gosling's campaign manager for the 2012 election (he may or may not have approved this endeavour). In 2008, the American people voted for a man that they knew virtually nothing about. That man became President of the United States of America. Most Americans actually know more about Ryan Gosling than they currently know about our very own president. Here are 12 reasons why you ought to write in Ryan Gosling on your ballot this November.
***The following message has been approved by every single woman and roughly 47% of men in The United States of America***
Take it away (again), adult Ryan.
Actually, this picture looks like it needs an explanation. Kind of weird now that I look at it. The one below is much better.
***The following message has been approved by every single woman and roughly 47% of men in The United States of America***
1. Housing for the homeless. We could throw money at programs such as Habitat for Humanity and Section 8, but there is really no need if your president can build homes himself. Start hammering, Ryan.
2. The Arts. While most politicians are forced to cut budgets for the arts, especially in our schools, we need a leader that can teach our future how to dance, sing, and generally be awesome. Take it away, 14 year old Ryan...
Take it away (again), adult Ryan.
3. Economic Prodigy. At a young age, Ryan Gosling was destined to tackle our economic challenges.
4. THIS.
5. aaaaaand, THIS.
6. Automotive Bailouts. He is a long time supporter of automotive bailouts. He loves to drive, then bail. These bailouts saved the Big Three.
7. Animal Rights. Do I actually need to explain this?
8. Foreign Policy. Ryan Gosling is a huge humanitarian with a lot of international experience.
9. Reproductive Rights. Thank God, right?
10. He's one of us. He once said, "Ich bin ein Berliner". Wait-no he didn't. He actually said " If you're a bird, I'm a bird". Mr. Gosling, I will be whatever you want me to be. Ask not what you can do for ....wait...country....wait...I lost my train of thought.
11. He's Canadian. Enough said, eh?
12. Equal Opportunity Advocate. He will fight for equal treatment and rights for ALL Americans. Take this doll, for example. He's reading to her.
Monday, September 19, 2011
The Man in the Purple Shirt
A police officer was busy writing down a statement from 3 women as I marched through the door. Each of the women gripped a white and green cup, one frequently took a sip. I glanced around the space, looking for blood, weapons, or a candlestick....nothing. Everything looked fairly normal, actually. 4 men in the corner were leaning into a laptop, which displayed several graphs. A student with ear buds was busy flipping through an anatomy book, while a young woman, highlighter in mouth, was busy shuffling through pages in a notebook.
"What did I miss?", I asked the barista that was ready to take my order.
"Some guys stole some one's iPhone. Right off the table. Right in front of everyone!", she explained, seemingly pleased that I inquired.
"Well, wow!", I said, and proceeded with my order for an overpriced latte.
Caffeine in hand, I began looking for a table to set up camp for my 2pm call. I found an open chair, nestled in front of the inactive fireplace, with access to 4 outlets. Incredible.
After my call, I quietly worked. That was until the man in the purple shirt sat next to me, in the other brown leather chair. I gave him the customary coffee shop glance. If you frequent coffee joints, even the national chains, you KNOW the glance I'm referring to. I was about to break my stare as the man's bottom started it's descent down to the chair. As he was mid squat, he pushed the cup he was holding up to his lips and slurped. The kind of slurp a child would make as they held a plastic bowl up to their face, enjoying the milk left from their Cocoa Puffs cereal...chocolate.
He slurped again.
And again.
He sat down.
Ah, he probably didn't want to spill his drink, so he was taking off the top first half inch prior to sitting down. Then I realized there was a lid on the cup. My next conclusion, being the most obvious, was OCD. I mean, right?
This was quickly confirmed when he spent 4 minutes 'centering' his cup on the stone ledge that sat before him. Moments later, he began to slurp. Hard, often, and nothing less of obnoxious.
Bodily noises have and will always creep me out. When people try to get something out of their teeth by reverse whistling-gross. When people crack their knuckles-please don't. When people have flem in their throat while they talk-CLEAR YOUR THROAT! I mean, right?
Slurping was no different. The man continued to habitually slurp for the next few minutes. I seriously considered moving to another location. That was until, he picked up his phone.
He leaned back into his chair, far exceeding "comfort", and arguably going into the "inappropriate" zone. His legs were spread too far open, in my opinion. He quickly brushed his hand through his hair, which was oily and receding, and proceeded to dial.
"Hey......I was thinking about you so I thought I would call you. I'm glad you picked up", he said.
He was speaking loud, I guess he wanted to intentionally interrupt those that sat around him so they would listen. He took 3 more quick slurps of coffee. He was intently listening to the person on his phone.
"I took a hot shower. A long, hot shower. Got dressed, and now I'm at the coffee shop. I'm sitting in a very comfortable leather chair, and I'm thinking about you".
He began moving his open legs quickly from side to side-swaying in his chair.
"So how is your condition", he asked, just as loud as he was speaking before. He stopped swaying his legs.
I read and answered a few emails, and very quietly took a sip of my pumpkin spiced latte with skim milk. 2 minutes later, the man in the purple shirt became even more weird.
"So, I've been thinking.....two people should have chemistry, right? Do you think we have it? (there was a long pause) great, great...so do I. I was hoping you would say that. OF COURSE you're smart...you have an excellent vocabulary. Does your mother like me?"
He said this so quickly that I'm not so sure the person on the other end even had time to respond.
I put my cup up to my mouth, to cover a big smile that I could not hide. This was so funny to me. It wasn't like I was being the creepy one here. He was talking so loud, it was nearly impossible to not hear him.
"See...you are what I would call a 'plain Jane'. Remember that top you wore yesterday? Let me ask you this, do you like the way you look when you are sun kissed? When you have a tan, do you look Greek? Do you look Middle Eastern?", he went to pick up his cup, but instead, rubbed his ankle and leaned back in the chair.
I wonder if they ever met? The way this man was speaking to the woman on the phone, suggested they had only exchanged pictures. Wouldn't he know what she looked like when her skin was tanned?
"Polish? I could see that. When is the last time your hair was natural and not colored? Really? Do you have a picture...if I looked at your roots, I would see a light brown or a medium brown? Don't take this the wrong way, I like the way you look, BUT maybe not this decade, but the next decade...hopefully women won't color their hair", he went on to say. He was looking down at his feet, rubbing his hands through his Beethoven hair. A greasy masterpiece, indeed.
"Okay, I will call you later. Bye". Giving very little warning, he ended his conversation with the woman on the other end.
I picked up my cup, and sadly realized that I was out of java. I looked around me, the 3 tables that were once occupied, were now completely vacant. A few napkins and a straw were scattered across one. Did the man in the purple shirt scare everyone away? I was the person that was closest to him-only one small black coffee table sat between his chair and mine. Was I the weirdo for not leaving, too?
The man in the purple shirt picked up his cup, slurped 3 times, and got up from the chair. He had a newspaper with him, which I did not realize when he first sat down. He rolled it up, placed it under his armpit, and walked out the door.
As I slowly started packing up my things, again noticing the empty tables around me, I immediately began to feel self conscious. Was I the weird person for not leaving, too? Clearly the man in the purple shirt's behavior was beyond odd and his bizarre telephone conversation apparently offended all of the strangers that sat around us. Everyone but me.....
I must be the weird one, then. I mean, right?
"What did I miss?", I asked the barista that was ready to take my order.
"Some guys stole some one's iPhone. Right off the table. Right in front of everyone!", she explained, seemingly pleased that I inquired.
"Well, wow!", I said, and proceeded with my order for an overpriced latte.
Caffeine in hand, I began looking for a table to set up camp for my 2pm call. I found an open chair, nestled in front of the inactive fireplace, with access to 4 outlets. Incredible.
After my call, I quietly worked. That was until the man in the purple shirt sat next to me, in the other brown leather chair. I gave him the customary coffee shop glance. If you frequent coffee joints, even the national chains, you KNOW the glance I'm referring to. I was about to break my stare as the man's bottom started it's descent down to the chair. As he was mid squat, he pushed the cup he was holding up to his lips and slurped. The kind of slurp a child would make as they held a plastic bowl up to their face, enjoying the milk left from their Cocoa Puffs cereal...chocolate.
He slurped again.
And again.
He sat down.
Ah, he probably didn't want to spill his drink, so he was taking off the top first half inch prior to sitting down. Then I realized there was a lid on the cup. My next conclusion, being the most obvious, was OCD. I mean, right?
This was quickly confirmed when he spent 4 minutes 'centering' his cup on the stone ledge that sat before him. Moments later, he began to slurp. Hard, often, and nothing less of obnoxious.
Bodily noises have and will always creep me out. When people try to get something out of their teeth by reverse whistling-gross. When people crack their knuckles-please don't. When people have flem in their throat while they talk-CLEAR YOUR THROAT! I mean, right?
Slurping was no different. The man continued to habitually slurp for the next few minutes. I seriously considered moving to another location. That was until, he picked up his phone.
He leaned back into his chair, far exceeding "comfort", and arguably going into the "inappropriate" zone. His legs were spread too far open, in my opinion. He quickly brushed his hand through his hair, which was oily and receding, and proceeded to dial.
"Hey......I was thinking about you so I thought I would call you. I'm glad you picked up", he said.
He was speaking loud, I guess he wanted to intentionally interrupt those that sat around him so they would listen. He took 3 more quick slurps of coffee. He was intently listening to the person on his phone.
"I took a hot shower. A long, hot shower. Got dressed, and now I'm at the coffee shop. I'm sitting in a very comfortable leather chair, and I'm thinking about you".
He began moving his open legs quickly from side to side-swaying in his chair.
"So how is your condition", he asked, just as loud as he was speaking before. He stopped swaying his legs.
I read and answered a few emails, and very quietly took a sip of my pumpkin spiced latte with skim milk. 2 minutes later, the man in the purple shirt became even more weird.
"So, I've been thinking.....two people should have chemistry, right? Do you think we have it? (there was a long pause) great, great...so do I. I was hoping you would say that. OF COURSE you're smart...you have an excellent vocabulary. Does your mother like me?"
He said this so quickly that I'm not so sure the person on the other end even had time to respond.
I put my cup up to my mouth, to cover a big smile that I could not hide. This was so funny to me. It wasn't like I was being the creepy one here. He was talking so loud, it was nearly impossible to not hear him.
"See...you are what I would call a 'plain Jane'. Remember that top you wore yesterday? Let me ask you this, do you like the way you look when you are sun kissed? When you have a tan, do you look Greek? Do you look Middle Eastern?", he went to pick up his cup, but instead, rubbed his ankle and leaned back in the chair.
I wonder if they ever met? The way this man was speaking to the woman on the phone, suggested they had only exchanged pictures. Wouldn't he know what she looked like when her skin was tanned?
"Polish? I could see that. When is the last time your hair was natural and not colored? Really? Do you have a picture...if I looked at your roots, I would see a light brown or a medium brown? Don't take this the wrong way, I like the way you look, BUT maybe not this decade, but the next decade...hopefully women won't color their hair", he went on to say. He was looking down at his feet, rubbing his hands through his Beethoven hair. A greasy masterpiece, indeed.
"Okay, I will call you later. Bye". Giving very little warning, he ended his conversation with the woman on the other end.
I picked up my cup, and sadly realized that I was out of java. I looked around me, the 3 tables that were once occupied, were now completely vacant. A few napkins and a straw were scattered across one. Did the man in the purple shirt scare everyone away? I was the person that was closest to him-only one small black coffee table sat between his chair and mine. Was I the weirdo for not leaving, too?
The man in the purple shirt picked up his cup, slurped 3 times, and got up from the chair. He had a newspaper with him, which I did not realize when he first sat down. He rolled it up, placed it under his armpit, and walked out the door.
As I slowly started packing up my things, again noticing the empty tables around me, I immediately began to feel self conscious. Was I the weird person for not leaving, too? Clearly the man in the purple shirt's behavior was beyond odd and his bizarre telephone conversation apparently offended all of the strangers that sat around us. Everyone but me.....
I must be the weird one, then. I mean, right?
Monday, May 2, 2011
Excuse me-there is a hair in my food...
"May I have the Internet code, please?", I asked as I put my debit card back into my wallet. The girl behind the counter said, "Sure-here you go". She printed off a receipt and at the bottom was a series of letters and numbers. I was prepping for a conference call that was to start in 3 minutes. "Jenny will hook you up with some water for the tea", stated the girl behind the counter.
Okay-great, I thought. There was a large rack on the counter that displayed nearly two dozen metal canisters of tea. Orange blossom, honey-mint, Earl grey, and lemon-green tea to name a few. 2 minutes before my conference call...
The girl that was making drinks-a "barista"?, was busy crafting a coffee drink and chatting with the older man that was patiently waiting. Without any direction, and because the labels were facing me and easily accessible...well, I decided to take a tea pod out of the lemon-green tea canister.
When the barista was done making the man's coffee drink, she was about to go into the backroom when I asked, "Excuse me. Hi (and smiled), could I please get a cup of hot water for my tea?"
"Sure", she said. She grabbed a foam cup from the stack, and as she was filling it up with hot water turned her head to speak to me. "You know, you were not supposed to take your own tea. We have tongs for that. We don't like customers touching all of the bags-people get weird about that".
One minute before my conference call. "Oh-okay. I apologize. Yeah, I didn't like put my paws over ALL of the bags. I just shook the canister until a pod fell into my hand."
"well, here is your water". She placed the filled foam cup on the counter and walked into the back room. I dialed into my conference call and marched over to the table that housed the sugar, honey, napkins, and other coffee 'condiments'.
As I grabbed a handful of honey packets (I'm obsessed), I noticed a bunch of loose brown plastic coffee straws, totally unwrapped and exposed for anyone to grab, touch, or slobber on. I grabbed one from the top, like I was playing Jenga, but still touched the four or five straws that directly surrounded the chosen one. This could not be avoided.
I was not grossed out by this, but was a bit upset with the 18 year old that just chewed me out. So let me get this straight, people would be weirded out by someone dumping a tea pod from a canister into their hand, BUT have no issue with people (all day long), touching a plastic straw that WILL make it's way into your cup or mouth? Double standard-I mean, right?
I waited tables all through college at several different establishments ranging from smelly bars to upscale dining. I always thought it was REALLY funny when guests would say, "there is a spot on my spoon". It's a water spot-an inconsistency in the dish washer. Maybe a bit of residue from soap, maybe it didn't dry. Who the hell knows-it's not bodily fluid, poison, or anything else to freak out about. The same person that complains about a spot on their spoon ought to be more concerned about the fact that one of the line cooks has been coughing all day, or that the menus are touched all day, everyday, by dozens of people. You touch the menu and then help yourself to a piece of bread from the basket, which may or may not be clean, on your table.
Then you help yourself to some ketchup for your fries. Ketchup in a glass bottle that people have access to all day. People that may or may not place the tip of their knife into the jar, after they may or may not have licked the butter off moments before. Gross.....
I mean, right? People are so funny like that....
Okay-great, I thought. There was a large rack on the counter that displayed nearly two dozen metal canisters of tea. Orange blossom, honey-mint, Earl grey, and lemon-green tea to name a few. 2 minutes before my conference call...
The girl that was making drinks-a "barista"?, was busy crafting a coffee drink and chatting with the older man that was patiently waiting. Without any direction, and because the labels were facing me and easily accessible...well, I decided to take a tea pod out of the lemon-green tea canister.
When the barista was done making the man's coffee drink, she was about to go into the backroom when I asked, "Excuse me. Hi (and smiled), could I please get a cup of hot water for my tea?"
"Sure", she said. She grabbed a foam cup from the stack, and as she was filling it up with hot water turned her head to speak to me. "You know, you were not supposed to take your own tea. We have tongs for that. We don't like customers touching all of the bags-people get weird about that".
One minute before my conference call. "Oh-okay. I apologize. Yeah, I didn't like put my paws over ALL of the bags. I just shook the canister until a pod fell into my hand."
"well, here is your water". She placed the filled foam cup on the counter and walked into the back room. I dialed into my conference call and marched over to the table that housed the sugar, honey, napkins, and other coffee 'condiments'.
As I grabbed a handful of honey packets (I'm obsessed), I noticed a bunch of loose brown plastic coffee straws, totally unwrapped and exposed for anyone to grab, touch, or slobber on. I grabbed one from the top, like I was playing Jenga, but still touched the four or five straws that directly surrounded the chosen one. This could not be avoided.
I was not grossed out by this, but was a bit upset with the 18 year old that just chewed me out. So let me get this straight, people would be weirded out by someone dumping a tea pod from a canister into their hand, BUT have no issue with people (all day long), touching a plastic straw that WILL make it's way into your cup or mouth? Double standard-I mean, right?
I waited tables all through college at several different establishments ranging from smelly bars to upscale dining. I always thought it was REALLY funny when guests would say, "there is a spot on my spoon". It's a water spot-an inconsistency in the dish washer. Maybe a bit of residue from soap, maybe it didn't dry. Who the hell knows-it's not bodily fluid, poison, or anything else to freak out about. The same person that complains about a spot on their spoon ought to be more concerned about the fact that one of the line cooks has been coughing all day, or that the menus are touched all day, everyday, by dozens of people. You touch the menu and then help yourself to a piece of bread from the basket, which may or may not be clean, on your table.
Then you help yourself to some ketchup for your fries. Ketchup in a glass bottle that people have access to all day. People that may or may not place the tip of their knife into the jar, after they may or may not have licked the butter off moments before. Gross.....
I mean, right? People are so funny like that....
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
3 Days Left
There are many trends that I have fought hard to avoid in the past but eventually gave into, and in some cases, embraced. A few are listed below:
1. Uggs: The best thing to come from Down Under since Keith Urban. I made fun of them until I tried a pair on. I now have five styles. (In China, I slept in one pair for a whole week because my hotel was so cold).
2. Jeggings: For the record, I believe I was the first person in Michigan to own a pair. I bought them in Cambridge back in spring 2008...however, I didn't really wear them out until they became "cool".
3. DMB: I thought most people that listened to Dave Matthews were REALLY annoying (I went to high school with a lot of them). You know, the "Birmingham Hippies": drive BMW's, wear $200 jeans, but intentionally don't bathe or wash their hair in order to feel more connected with homeless people. Well, freshmen year of college changed all of that-I was exposed to The Lilywhite Sessions. Bonfires-drinking games-snowboarding...good times. I love DMB. There, I said it.
4. Skinny Jeans: Don't knock them until you try on a pair. I'm just sorry I waited so long. I didn't want to wear them when I was actually "skinny", and now...well...(sigh).
5. Fancy Coffee Drinks: This has been a recent thing for me. I could not STAND coffee until I had no choice while I was on the road. Literally a few hundred dollars later, I'm HOOKED on lattes. Hooked. Actually, I want one right now....I've been a user for only 2 months. Please tell me this gets easier. I mean, right?
Though I have given into a lot of trends in the past, there is one current technology that I absolutely refuse to use: electronic books. I was recently in Indy for NCAA Women's Final Four Basketball. There was a Borders Bookstore that was in it's last days of business (last 3 days, to be exact). For 3 days, I walked in front of the tall glass windows that exposed the empty shelves and displayed over-sized yellow posters that reminded readers, "3 Days Left!" I looked away, sad. I was witnessing the death of books-the experience of reading as we know it. Are we 'okay' with this?, I thought to myself.
By no means would I classify myself as an "avid" reader, but I still enjoy the "experience": thumbing through the pages, folding the front cover behind the back, reading the corny dedications, and the subtle smell of the ink and paper. Hell, I'll even take the paper cuts if it means not losing one of the most important objects in the history of civilization.
We will wake up one day and say, "Remember way back when, when books were on paper? When we didn't have to charge them over night in order to read them in the morning while eating breakfast? When we didn't have to "turn them off" during take off and landing on our flight from DTW to LGA? When we could put old books in a box and donate them to a local school or lend a book to a neighbor or friend? When bookshelves actually housed, well, books? When glares didn't matter, and neither did available storage space.
Nah-I think I will pass on all of that. You can find me at Caribou Coffee, sipping a sugar-free pumpkin spice latte with skim milk and light whip. I'll be chillin' in my Uggs, skinny jeans, and listening to DMB on my iPod...flipping through the pages of the latest issue of The Week.
1. Uggs: The best thing to come from Down Under since Keith Urban. I made fun of them until I tried a pair on. I now have five styles. (In China, I slept in one pair for a whole week because my hotel was so cold).
2. Jeggings: For the record, I believe I was the first person in Michigan to own a pair. I bought them in Cambridge back in spring 2008...however, I didn't really wear them out until they became "cool".
3. DMB: I thought most people that listened to Dave Matthews were REALLY annoying (I went to high school with a lot of them). You know, the "Birmingham Hippies": drive BMW's, wear $200 jeans, but intentionally don't bathe or wash their hair in order to feel more connected with homeless people. Well, freshmen year of college changed all of that-I was exposed to The Lilywhite Sessions. Bonfires-drinking games-snowboarding...good times. I love DMB. There, I said it.
4. Skinny Jeans: Don't knock them until you try on a pair. I'm just sorry I waited so long. I didn't want to wear them when I was actually "skinny", and now...well...(sigh).
5. Fancy Coffee Drinks: This has been a recent thing for me. I could not STAND coffee until I had no choice while I was on the road. Literally a few hundred dollars later, I'm HOOKED on lattes. Hooked. Actually, I want one right now....I've been a user for only 2 months. Please tell me this gets easier. I mean, right?
Though I have given into a lot of trends in the past, there is one current technology that I absolutely refuse to use: electronic books. I was recently in Indy for NCAA Women's Final Four Basketball. There was a Borders Bookstore that was in it's last days of business (last 3 days, to be exact). For 3 days, I walked in front of the tall glass windows that exposed the empty shelves and displayed over-sized yellow posters that reminded readers, "3 Days Left!" I looked away, sad. I was witnessing the death of books-the experience of reading as we know it. Are we 'okay' with this?, I thought to myself.
By no means would I classify myself as an "avid" reader, but I still enjoy the "experience": thumbing through the pages, folding the front cover behind the back, reading the corny dedications, and the subtle smell of the ink and paper. Hell, I'll even take the paper cuts if it means not losing one of the most important objects in the history of civilization.
We will wake up one day and say, "Remember way back when, when books were on paper? When we didn't have to charge them over night in order to read them in the morning while eating breakfast? When we didn't have to "turn them off" during take off and landing on our flight from DTW to LGA? When we could put old books in a box and donate them to a local school or lend a book to a neighbor or friend? When bookshelves actually housed, well, books? When glares didn't matter, and neither did available storage space.
Nah-I think I will pass on all of that. You can find me at Caribou Coffee, sipping a sugar-free pumpkin spice latte with skim milk and light whip. I'll be chillin' in my Uggs, skinny jeans, and listening to DMB on my iPod...flipping through the pages of the latest issue of The Week.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Stop with the Baby Talk, People....
I tightly griped the little white ticket in my right hand-number 31.
Next to me stood a middle-aged man wearing Dockers and a white Oakland Hills Country Club polo. I was not sure what number he held. The woman to my left, was balancing a watermelon on her hip, and carefully eyeing the various pasta salads (as her 3 children pounded the bags that lined the deli case, filled with pita bread).
"What else may I get you, Ma'am", asked the older black woman behind the counter. She had kind eyes.
"Um....well...what is the difference between THAT pasta salad and THAT one?". The Mother pointed in the general direction of the pasta salads, as she began to round up her crazy children.
"This one has a very robust Italian dressing, while THIS one is a bit sweeter", said the woman behind the counter.
"I see...well, let me ask the kids". The Mother turned to her 3 brats, as they continued to pound the pita chips and bread, and in a slow, soft, and painfully annoying voice asked, "Guys.....what kind of salad to you want?"
I immediately looked at the man standing next to me, as he very deliberately shifted his weight from his left side to his right. He looked down at his ticket and let out a quick burst of air.
"I WANT DAT ONE", replied the youngest of the kids. She was maybe 4 years old-hair pulled back in a messy ponytail and wearing bright pink Crocs. The little girl pointed to the bowl with the rose colored fluffy stuff, garnished with marshmallows.
"Isabelle, Mommy is not going to get that for the picnic. That is only for dessert. What pasta salad to you want?"
"THE ONE WE HAD AT GRANDMA'S", yelled the middle child. He was probably 7 years old, but super tall. Tall enough to press his head on the glass and gaze DOWN at the selections.
The Mother, still cradling the watermelon, brushed her bangs from her eyes and said, "Okay...let's see....maybe let's do 1 lb of the sweeter salad?"
"Okay, sounds good", the woman behind the counter firmly stated.
I folded the white piece of paper, with my number, in my hand.
The third child was beating her tiny hands against the glass, "Mommy, I wanna go to the pool", she whined. The other two kids resumed their bread beating.
The woman behind the counter removed a clear plastic container from the top of the deli case, and began scooping out the sweeter pasta salad.
"You know what, I better have the kids try this to make sure it's the right one", the Mother thought out loud.
The woman behind the counter, mid-scoop, put down the serving spoon and glanced up at the Mother.
"Okay, no problem", she stated.
Oh, but there WAS a problem. At that moment, the man from the Country Club crossed his arms and placed them over his stomach, in one fast motion.
The woman behind the counter handed a small white plastic spoon over the counter to the Mother. "Here is the sweet one", she said.
"KIDS! Get over here...try this one...this is the one that Grandma has. I think....do you like it?" The Mother's bangs had again fallen in her eyes.
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING, I thought. Memorial Day and this lady is acting like she's at Costco on a Sunday afternoon....grazing on all of the finger foods that tempt weekend warehouse shoppers.
"THIS IS BAD", proclaimed the youngest child. "YUCKY, YUCKY, YUCK-EEEEEE", and she continued pounding the bread bags.
"But honey, don't you like the salad that Grandma always gives you guys?".
"I WANT TO TRY IT", demanded the oldest child. She was quiet up until this point.
The woman behind the counter again reached into the glass case, and pulled out a small white plastic spoon. "And this is the robust one", she explained.
The oldest child, maybe 9 years old, loosly gripped the spoon allowing a few chopped peppers to fall to the ground. Without hesitation she placed all of the spoon's contents into her mouth. "THIS IS SPICY, MOM."
The man from the Country Club decided to browse the dairy aisle 10 feet away, picking up blocks of blue cheese and then putting them down again.
"Kids-which one do you want. Come on, we need to get to the pool", said the Mom in a desperate manner.
WE NEED TO GET TO THE POOL!? ARE YOU KIDDING, LADY!? Glad to think the world revolves around you and your annoying kids, but it doesn't! Sorry that you think the WHOLE store actually cares about what pasta salad Grandma keeps in her fridge. Since when is a 4 year old a pasta salad expert? Put it on their plate, if they are hungry they will eat it. If they don't, give them a juice box and Teddy Grahams and MOVE ON.
The Mother set the watermelon down on, you guessed it, the bags of pita bread. "Let's just do 1 lb of the sweet and 1 lb of the robust", she requested.
"Okay, then". The woman behind the counter agreed.
The man from the country club joined us again. He was clearly frustrated. The poor guy probably just wanted a lb of potato salad or spinach dip. He probably knew what he wanted before he approached the deli case. Hell, before he even left the house! He was most likely ONLY shopping on Memorial Day because his wife forgot to make a dish to pass, was busy shaving her legs for the first pool day of the season, and made her husband go shopping. "I'll be ready by the time you get home", were most likely her last words.
I knew what I wanted. I just wanted 2 lbs of spinach dip. From there, I would walk 4 aisles over to grab a case of beer. I hope they have Blue Light Lime.
The woman behind the counter placed 2 full containers of pasta salad on top of the deli counter. "Anything else today, Ma'am", she asked.
"No....", the Mother hesitated as she took one last look of the various pasta, fruit, and potato salads. "No, that's it. Thanks".
She picked up the watermelon, and stacked both containers in her left hand. "Let's go guys". Her children, who had completely destroyed all of the pita chips and wrinkled the top layer of bread bags, skipped behind her. Shortly after, they raced to the check out lines.
"Number 30, you're up, what can I get for you number 30".
The man from the country club stepped up to the case, "I'll have 3 lbs of the sweet coleslaw", he said. Direct and to the point. He slowly turned around to look at me, "Finally", he said.
"Are you sure that is what Grandma has?", I asked.
We both laughed, and shortly after I grabbed my 2 lbs of spinach dip and soon found myself next to the pool. Finally.
This whole ordeal was nothing new to me. What is it with parents that think it's cute or appropriate to BABY talk with their children OR consult them like professionals when it comes to decisions at the deli counter.
This happens a lot at bagel stores. One time a 30 something guy, with his 3 year old son, spent 10 minutes at Einstein's-ordering alone! "TELL THE NICE LADY WHAT YOU WANT, HONEY".
"I......I........I.....(9 minutes later)...I...WANT......CHOCOLATE MILK"
The Dad, clearly proud of his prodigy child for being able to form a sentence, giggles. The high school kid behind the counter awkwardly grins as the line behind the guy grows longer.
"Your total is $5.24, sir", says the manager at the register.
"Now, give the lady the money...."
As the toddler drops the money on the counter, coins falling over the edge, everyone else in line thinks you are annoying.
Your kid is not cute, and no one really has any interest in him unless he can be toasted and smeared with veggie cream cheese. I mean, right?
So parents of the world, PLEASE don't be THAT person. The American public understands your goals of educating and socializing your children. From money matters to cultivating taste buds, that is all great. Do it at home, because the people in the LONG line behind you simply don't care.
Next to me stood a middle-aged man wearing Dockers and a white Oakland Hills Country Club polo. I was not sure what number he held. The woman to my left, was balancing a watermelon on her hip, and carefully eyeing the various pasta salads (as her 3 children pounded the bags that lined the deli case, filled with pita bread).
"What else may I get you, Ma'am", asked the older black woman behind the counter. She had kind eyes.
"Um....well...what is the difference between THAT pasta salad and THAT one?". The Mother pointed in the general direction of the pasta salads, as she began to round up her crazy children.
"This one has a very robust Italian dressing, while THIS one is a bit sweeter", said the woman behind the counter.
"I see...well, let me ask the kids". The Mother turned to her 3 brats, as they continued to pound the pita chips and bread, and in a slow, soft, and painfully annoying voice asked, "Guys.....what kind of salad to you want?"
I immediately looked at the man standing next to me, as he very deliberately shifted his weight from his left side to his right. He looked down at his ticket and let out a quick burst of air.
"I WANT DAT ONE", replied the youngest of the kids. She was maybe 4 years old-hair pulled back in a messy ponytail and wearing bright pink Crocs. The little girl pointed to the bowl with the rose colored fluffy stuff, garnished with marshmallows.
"Isabelle, Mommy is not going to get that for the picnic. That is only for dessert. What pasta salad to you want?"
"THE ONE WE HAD AT GRANDMA'S", yelled the middle child. He was probably 7 years old, but super tall. Tall enough to press his head on the glass and gaze DOWN at the selections.
The Mother, still cradling the watermelon, brushed her bangs from her eyes and said, "Okay...let's see....maybe let's do 1 lb of the sweeter salad?"
"Okay, sounds good", the woman behind the counter firmly stated.
I folded the white piece of paper, with my number, in my hand.
The third child was beating her tiny hands against the glass, "Mommy, I wanna go to the pool", she whined. The other two kids resumed their bread beating.
The woman behind the counter removed a clear plastic container from the top of the deli case, and began scooping out the sweeter pasta salad.
"You know what, I better have the kids try this to make sure it's the right one", the Mother thought out loud.
The woman behind the counter, mid-scoop, put down the serving spoon and glanced up at the Mother.
"Okay, no problem", she stated.
Oh, but there WAS a problem. At that moment, the man from the Country Club crossed his arms and placed them over his stomach, in one fast motion.
The woman behind the counter handed a small white plastic spoon over the counter to the Mother. "Here is the sweet one", she said.
"KIDS! Get over here...try this one...this is the one that Grandma has. I think....do you like it?" The Mother's bangs had again fallen in her eyes.
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING, I thought. Memorial Day and this lady is acting like she's at Costco on a Sunday afternoon....grazing on all of the finger foods that tempt weekend warehouse shoppers.
"THIS IS BAD", proclaimed the youngest child. "YUCKY, YUCKY, YUCK-EEEEEE", and she continued pounding the bread bags.
"But honey, don't you like the salad that Grandma always gives you guys?".
"I WANT TO TRY IT", demanded the oldest child. She was quiet up until this point.
The woman behind the counter again reached into the glass case, and pulled out a small white plastic spoon. "And this is the robust one", she explained.
The oldest child, maybe 9 years old, loosly gripped the spoon allowing a few chopped peppers to fall to the ground. Without hesitation she placed all of the spoon's contents into her mouth. "THIS IS SPICY, MOM."
The man from the Country Club decided to browse the dairy aisle 10 feet away, picking up blocks of blue cheese and then putting them down again.
"Kids-which one do you want. Come on, we need to get to the pool", said the Mom in a desperate manner.
WE NEED TO GET TO THE POOL!? ARE YOU KIDDING, LADY!? Glad to think the world revolves around you and your annoying kids, but it doesn't! Sorry that you think the WHOLE store actually cares about what pasta salad Grandma keeps in her fridge. Since when is a 4 year old a pasta salad expert? Put it on their plate, if they are hungry they will eat it. If they don't, give them a juice box and Teddy Grahams and MOVE ON.
The Mother set the watermelon down on, you guessed it, the bags of pita bread. "Let's just do 1 lb of the sweet and 1 lb of the robust", she requested.
"Okay, then". The woman behind the counter agreed.
The man from the country club joined us again. He was clearly frustrated. The poor guy probably just wanted a lb of potato salad or spinach dip. He probably knew what he wanted before he approached the deli case. Hell, before he even left the house! He was most likely ONLY shopping on Memorial Day because his wife forgot to make a dish to pass, was busy shaving her legs for the first pool day of the season, and made her husband go shopping. "I'll be ready by the time you get home", were most likely her last words.
I knew what I wanted. I just wanted 2 lbs of spinach dip. From there, I would walk 4 aisles over to grab a case of beer. I hope they have Blue Light Lime.
The woman behind the counter placed 2 full containers of pasta salad on top of the deli counter. "Anything else today, Ma'am", she asked.
"No....", the Mother hesitated as she took one last look of the various pasta, fruit, and potato salads. "No, that's it. Thanks".
She picked up the watermelon, and stacked both containers in her left hand. "Let's go guys". Her children, who had completely destroyed all of the pita chips and wrinkled the top layer of bread bags, skipped behind her. Shortly after, they raced to the check out lines.
"Number 30, you're up, what can I get for you number 30".
The man from the country club stepped up to the case, "I'll have 3 lbs of the sweet coleslaw", he said. Direct and to the point. He slowly turned around to look at me, "Finally", he said.
"Are you sure that is what Grandma has?", I asked.
We both laughed, and shortly after I grabbed my 2 lbs of spinach dip and soon found myself next to the pool. Finally.
This whole ordeal was nothing new to me. What is it with parents that think it's cute or appropriate to BABY talk with their children OR consult them like professionals when it comes to decisions at the deli counter.
This happens a lot at bagel stores. One time a 30 something guy, with his 3 year old son, spent 10 minutes at Einstein's-ordering alone! "TELL THE NICE LADY WHAT YOU WANT, HONEY".
"I......I........I.....(9 minutes later)...I...WANT......CHOCOLATE MILK"
The Dad, clearly proud of his prodigy child for being able to form a sentence, giggles. The high school kid behind the counter awkwardly grins as the line behind the guy grows longer.
"Your total is $5.24, sir", says the manager at the register.
"Now, give the lady the money...."
As the toddler drops the money on the counter, coins falling over the edge, everyone else in line thinks you are annoying.
Your kid is not cute, and no one really has any interest in him unless he can be toasted and smeared with veggie cream cheese. I mean, right?
So parents of the world, PLEASE don't be THAT person. The American public understands your goals of educating and socializing your children. From money matters to cultivating taste buds, that is all great. Do it at home, because the people in the LONG line behind you simply don't care.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Way to be creative AT&T....NOT
Dear AT&T,
You are so creative.
Love,
The World
Current AT&T commercial: (apparently receiving a lot of praise)
Michael Bay's Elevator Fantasy commercial for Levi's. Came out in the early 90's. (I remember this because I bought the Partridge Family cd and played this song, OVER and OVER again. I was in like 6th grade. I still love this song and commercial by the way)
You are so creative.
Love,
The World
Current AT&T commercial: (apparently receiving a lot of praise)
Michael Bay's Elevator Fantasy commercial for Levi's. Came out in the early 90's. (I remember this because I bought the Partridge Family cd and played this song, OVER and OVER again. I was in like 6th grade. I still love this song and commercial by the way)
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
A letter to ABC News re: Haiti Earthquake
Dear Robin Roberts and ABC News,
It's been a little over a week since the Haiti earthquake rocked the capital, Port-au-Prince. It's good to know that you, Diane Sawyer, and the "others" are keeping things under control down there. Oh wait, you're not?
Well,thank you for still going through hair and make up at 5 am every day. I can only imagine how dire your situation is down there-the heat, the humidity, the smell of dead bodies. A far cry from the comforts of the New York office and studio.
I sleep better at night knowing that you still have some of the amenities from home, though. Food, water, SUV with tinted windows, and my favorite, Skype. Thank you for informing the American people that Haiti is currently without power, clean water, food, and much needed medical supplies. We had absolutely no idea. Thank for you repeating this every single night...I didn't watch the news on Monday, and nearly forgot. Thanks for reminding me, phew.
Thank you for showing immoderate levels of footage from the tarmac. Look at all of those planes FILLED with food, water, and medical supplies. Why are they just sitting there?! Oh, you just asked that same question...10 times. I'm sure it has absolutely nothing to do with the violence and acute unrest that is happening in the surrounding area. Are the volunteers just lazy? Why do you keep showing pictures of them just standing around the airport? Are they waiting for a bus, or maybe the US Military to arrive to secure the area before they deploy help. Nah...they are probably just lazy. Thank you for calling them out.
Robin, thank you for identifying an issue that matters most to the American people: a 4-year old Haitian girl named Esther. It was so very thoughtful of you to take time out of your busy report to seek out a child that is waiting to be adopted by a young couple from Pella, Iowa. A 5 minute segment would not have been nearly enough time to illustrate the emotion and delicacy of this dramatic situation. Thank you, and your producers, for dedicating SEVERAL nights to this matter. I think I can speak for the American People when I say, "Thank You". Thank you for focusing on the issues that matter MOST-getting Esther back to the United States.
How are you doing with the heat down there? Is your memory okay? I hope so. Just in case it's not, here is a clip for you to reference:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBGm0SSdUQU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60Uo0kDbSwk
My favorite part of your report was when you touched young Esther's back and said, "Mommy and Daddy love you, Esther. They said they are going to come to get you soon". You can't script that now, can you? Oh wait-you did? Oh...well, good delivery and tone, Robin.
I, along with millions of American viewers, formed quite the attachment to little Esther. I was not content in only knowing that Esther did not receive any injuries, was well cared for, and had clean water. I needed to know for CERTAIN that Eshter made it home with her adoptive parents...immediately.
Thank you for the live footage of Matt and Amy (Esther's soon to be parents), driving in an SUV to the American Embassy. I'm glad they got to "skip the line" when they arrived there. I heard thousands of people were waiting in line for days in the hot sun, without food or water. Golly-can you imagine? Good thing Esther did not have to go through that!
I found it interesting that your co-worker, Diane Sawyer, mentioned that some Haitians were outraged that rescue efforts were directed toward Hotel Montana, the UN, and other 'areas of interest' to The United States. I always thought a human life was a human life...
Tonight when you report, I look forward to hearing updates about little Esther and her new life in Pella, Iowa. While the camera pans over areas of destruction, human despair, and young children (parent-less and dying), amidst the rubble of Port-au-Prince, I hope it does not upset the American people too much. After all, we have "small victories" like Esther's to keep the faith, right?
Sincerely,
Rachel
It's been a little over a week since the Haiti earthquake rocked the capital, Port-au-Prince. It's good to know that you, Diane Sawyer, and the "others" are keeping things under control down there. Oh wait, you're not?
Well,thank you for still going through hair and make up at 5 am every day. I can only imagine how dire your situation is down there-the heat, the humidity, the smell of dead bodies. A far cry from the comforts of the New York office and studio.
I sleep better at night knowing that you still have some of the amenities from home, though. Food, water, SUV with tinted windows, and my favorite, Skype. Thank you for informing the American people that Haiti is currently without power, clean water, food, and much needed medical supplies. We had absolutely no idea. Thank for you repeating this every single night...I didn't watch the news on Monday, and nearly forgot. Thanks for reminding me, phew.
Thank you for showing immoderate levels of footage from the tarmac. Look at all of those planes FILLED with food, water, and medical supplies. Why are they just sitting there?! Oh, you just asked that same question...10 times. I'm sure it has absolutely nothing to do with the violence and acute unrest that is happening in the surrounding area. Are the volunteers just lazy? Why do you keep showing pictures of them just standing around the airport? Are they waiting for a bus, or maybe the US Military to arrive to secure the area before they deploy help. Nah...they are probably just lazy. Thank you for calling them out.
Robin, thank you for identifying an issue that matters most to the American people: a 4-year old Haitian girl named Esther. It was so very thoughtful of you to take time out of your busy report to seek out a child that is waiting to be adopted by a young couple from Pella, Iowa. A 5 minute segment would not have been nearly enough time to illustrate the emotion and delicacy of this dramatic situation. Thank you, and your producers, for dedicating SEVERAL nights to this matter. I think I can speak for the American People when I say, "Thank You". Thank you for focusing on the issues that matter MOST-getting Esther back to the United States.
How are you doing with the heat down there? Is your memory okay? I hope so. Just in case it's not, here is a clip for you to reference:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBGm0SSdUQU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60Uo0kDbSwk
My favorite part of your report was when you touched young Esther's back and said, "Mommy and Daddy love you, Esther. They said they are going to come to get you soon". You can't script that now, can you? Oh wait-you did? Oh...well, good delivery and tone, Robin.
I, along with millions of American viewers, formed quite the attachment to little Esther. I was not content in only knowing that Esther did not receive any injuries, was well cared for, and had clean water. I needed to know for CERTAIN that Eshter made it home with her adoptive parents...immediately.
Thank you for the live footage of Matt and Amy (Esther's soon to be parents), driving in an SUV to the American Embassy. I'm glad they got to "skip the line" when they arrived there. I heard thousands of people were waiting in line for days in the hot sun, without food or water. Golly-can you imagine? Good thing Esther did not have to go through that!
I found it interesting that your co-worker, Diane Sawyer, mentioned that some Haitians were outraged that rescue efforts were directed toward Hotel Montana, the UN, and other 'areas of interest' to The United States. I always thought a human life was a human life...
Tonight when you report, I look forward to hearing updates about little Esther and her new life in Pella, Iowa. While the camera pans over areas of destruction, human despair, and young children (parent-less and dying), amidst the rubble of Port-au-Prince, I hope it does not upset the American people too much. After all, we have "small victories" like Esther's to keep the faith, right?
Sincerely,
Rachel
Monday, September 21, 2009
Songs that I SHOULD be embarrassed to admit that I love, but I'm not
1. Usher, "Dot Com"
I think the lyrics are 100% genius while being 110% cheesy. "Get on my laptop so I can download". REALLY, Usher? "Oh, I need your backspace in my life. Thank God you don't have a flat screen"
HAHA-LOVE IT. Seriously though, I absolutely LOVE this song. I just ignore the lyrics....
2. Britney Spears, "Don't let me be the last to know"
first-Britney is SMOKIN' HOT in this video. I actually bought that SAME white bikini in hopes I would wake up with rock hard abs-didn't work. Again-completely horrible song that I completely love.
3. Jessica Simpson, "I wanna love you forever"
This is STILL part of my "time to clean the house" playlist on my Ipod. Not only does it encourage sweeping, dusting, folding clothes, and softscrubbin' anything I can get my hands on...it encourages me to be in love. Maybe I should listen to it more. Great song....but I probably should have stopped listening to it back in 2000 when it stop being cool.
4. 112-"Cupid"
I still remember when I called up WJLB when I was like a freshman in high school to request this song on The Quiet Storm. The DJ goes, "Whats yo name", I said, "RACHEL", "Where you calling from girl?" and I said, "Troy"
"Detroit? What side, girl?"
"No, Troy"
He hung up on me, but still played my song.
5. 98 Degrees, "Invisible Man"
They were a boy band-enough said. Actually, allow me to elaborate. Next time I get invited to a cherades party, I will be sure to invite Nick Lachey-look at his arm movements. Over acting, Nick...calm down.
6. LFO,"Summer Girls"
Another boy band...another great song. In a REALLY REALLY lame way. "Chinese food makes me sick". Woooooooooooooooooooooooord.
7. Ace of Base, "The Sign"
I lip-synced this song at a summer camp AND convinced my whole 5th grade class that THIS was the BEST song to sign at our graduation ( I remember fighting with Terry Boyle about this one. He wanted Nirvana "come as you are".
8. Color Me Badd, "All 4 Love"
I LOVED this song when I was like 8. Upbeat-happy-makes ya wanna dance...even like 20 years later.
9. All Saints, "Never Ever"
I remember making my friends in high school listen to this....on my Sony Walkman. If you can get through the forced-awkward talking at the start of the song, it gets better. Kind of like high school.
10. Charles and Eddie, "Would I lie to you"
This one is dedicated to my best friend, Stephanie. This has been "our song" for as long as I can remember. I love you, Steph! NO CLUE why we love this song so much, but we do!
haha
11. London Beat, "I've been thinking about you"
I will forever love this song. "we must have been stone crazy, when we thought we were just friends". No kidding, guys...NO KIDDING. Love it.
12. *N Sync, "I want you back"
This song takes me back to 10th grade....right back. Right back to driving to Bagel Factory or Buddys Pizza for lunch. Writing notes in Flex with Jenny Wu. My purple sparkly eye shadow. Mudd Jeans. WOW. I STILL love this song....I want it back.
13. Hot Boys, "I need a hot girl"
All I gotta say about this one is "PHG". Right, Wu Thang?
14. Anita Ward, "Ring My Bell"
This is not a joke. I love this song. "YOU CAN RING MY BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL, ring my bell"
I actually requested this song at a club in South Beach....guess what, THEY PLAYED IT!
RING RING, Bitches.
15. Blackstreet, "No Diggity"
No doubt.
16. Geto Boys, "G Code"
This is the song that finds it's way to most of my mix cds...and when stopped at a red light, I turn this ish down. WAY DOWN!.....like, scene from Office Space-down.
In the privacy of my own home...well...."we don't trust in the judicial system, we shoot guns" Awesome.
17. Limp Bizkit, "Nookie"
This song reminds me of my sister's old bedroom. We were obsessed with this song...
I mean, "are" obsessed.
18. Mandy Moore, "I wanna be with you"
I'm not going to apologize-I still think this song is great. I love Mandy Moore.
19. Kelis, "Milkshake"
la-la-la-la-la, the boys are waiting.
My goodness, girl...pure grime. I LOVE it.
20. Enrique, "Bailamos"
This song is STILL hot in my book. Honestly, one of the sexiest songs ever. Reminds me of summer of 2001...GOOD times :)
I think the lyrics are 100% genius while being 110% cheesy. "Get on my laptop so I can download". REALLY, Usher? "Oh, I need your backspace in my life. Thank God you don't have a flat screen"
HAHA-LOVE IT. Seriously though, I absolutely LOVE this song. I just ignore the lyrics....
2. Britney Spears, "Don't let me be the last to know"
first-Britney is SMOKIN' HOT in this video. I actually bought that SAME white bikini in hopes I would wake up with rock hard abs-didn't work. Again-completely horrible song that I completely love.
3. Jessica Simpson, "I wanna love you forever"
This is STILL part of my "time to clean the house" playlist on my Ipod. Not only does it encourage sweeping, dusting, folding clothes, and softscrubbin' anything I can get my hands on...it encourages me to be in love. Maybe I should listen to it more. Great song....but I probably should have stopped listening to it back in 2000 when it stop being cool.
4. 112-"Cupid"
I still remember when I called up WJLB when I was like a freshman in high school to request this song on The Quiet Storm. The DJ goes, "Whats yo name", I said, "RACHEL", "Where you calling from girl?" and I said, "Troy"
"Detroit? What side, girl?"
"No, Troy"
He hung up on me, but still played my song.
5. 98 Degrees, "Invisible Man"
They were a boy band-enough said. Actually, allow me to elaborate. Next time I get invited to a cherades party, I will be sure to invite Nick Lachey-look at his arm movements. Over acting, Nick...calm down.
6. LFO,"Summer Girls"
Another boy band...another great song. In a REALLY REALLY lame way. "Chinese food makes me sick". Woooooooooooooooooooooooord.
7. Ace of Base, "The Sign"
I lip-synced this song at a summer camp AND convinced my whole 5th grade class that THIS was the BEST song to sign at our graduation ( I remember fighting with Terry Boyle about this one. He wanted Nirvana "come as you are".
8. Color Me Badd, "All 4 Love"
I LOVED this song when I was like 8. Upbeat-happy-makes ya wanna dance...even like 20 years later.
9. All Saints, "Never Ever"
I remember making my friends in high school listen to this....on my Sony Walkman. If you can get through the forced-awkward talking at the start of the song, it gets better. Kind of like high school.
10. Charles and Eddie, "Would I lie to you"
This one is dedicated to my best friend, Stephanie. This has been "our song" for as long as I can remember. I love you, Steph! NO CLUE why we love this song so much, but we do!
haha
11. London Beat, "I've been thinking about you"
I will forever love this song. "we must have been stone crazy, when we thought we were just friends". No kidding, guys...NO KIDDING. Love it.
12. *N Sync, "I want you back"
This song takes me back to 10th grade....right back. Right back to driving to Bagel Factory or Buddys Pizza for lunch. Writing notes in Flex with Jenny Wu. My purple sparkly eye shadow. Mudd Jeans. WOW. I STILL love this song....I want it back.
13. Hot Boys, "I need a hot girl"
All I gotta say about this one is "PHG". Right, Wu Thang?
14. Anita Ward, "Ring My Bell"
This is not a joke. I love this song. "YOU CAN RING MY BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL, ring my bell"
I actually requested this song at a club in South Beach....guess what, THEY PLAYED IT!
RING RING, Bitches.
15. Blackstreet, "No Diggity"
No doubt.
16. Geto Boys, "G Code"
This is the song that finds it's way to most of my mix cds...and when stopped at a red light, I turn this ish down. WAY DOWN!.....like, scene from Office Space-down.
In the privacy of my own home...well...."we don't trust in the judicial system, we shoot guns" Awesome.
17. Limp Bizkit, "Nookie"
This song reminds me of my sister's old bedroom. We were obsessed with this song...
I mean, "are" obsessed.
18. Mandy Moore, "I wanna be with you"
I'm not going to apologize-I still think this song is great. I love Mandy Moore.
19. Kelis, "Milkshake"
la-la-la-la-la, the boys are waiting.
My goodness, girl...pure grime. I LOVE it.
20. Enrique, "Bailamos"
This song is STILL hot in my book. Honestly, one of the sexiest songs ever. Reminds me of summer of 2001...GOOD times :)
Songs that take me back
Most of the events, places, and people that I hold near to my heart, I recall by smell and song. Many don't believe me when I say I can recall scents-but I can. I remember scents of London, my college dorm hallway, his car, my Opa, my old house, etc. Literally, when I hear certain songs, they take me right back to that moment in time. Regardless of what I'm doing, where I am, or how long it has been...I go back.
Here are some of those songs:
1. Toca's Miracle-Fragma
Winter of 2001-heard this song in Rome. EVERYTHING comes back when I hear this song: the lady at the Diesel store that refused to let me try on a white shirt because she was afraid my make up would rub off. I was wearing nothing but mascara. The hot special forces guy I met from Texas, on his way to Croatia. The pub crawl we took with my Aunt Gayle. The pistachio gelato I ordered at this small shop near the Spanish Steps. The black cats around the Coliseum. Everything. I go back.
2. Yellow Ledbetter-Pearl Jam
This song wraps up 6th-8th grade. While I do my best to block those wonderful years out of my memory, this song always remains. I would put this song on repeat on my Sony CD player, which took up half of my dresser, and would put this song on repeat as I read, "Lord of the Flies", "Hatchet", and did last minute reports on John Lennon, Spotted Owls, and Voyage of the Mimi. I love this song almost as much as the man who sings it.
3. Shawty-Plies
I know, don't hate, don't judge, and don't repeat this. I flippin' LOVE this jam. This song represents one of the best summers of my life-sushi with Simona everyday, Vince (it was fun at the time), and laying out by the pool every single day. I went through some major mental AND physical changes that summer...gooooooood times. This song immediately takes me back to SPF15, jean cut offs, and ZERO responsibilities.
4. What's Love-Fat Joe w/ Ashanti
The first time I heard this song, I was at a Pimps and Ho's Party at Stanford visiting Steph. All I recall is a lot of black lights, tin foil, and me being...........well.....um, it was a theme party so I went with it. The best memory of this song is Steph and I thinking it was called, "LAST NIIIIIGHT". I still throw this song on my, "Time to get ready to go out" playlist.
5. Stay or Leave-Dave Matthews
(sigh)..........................(sigh)...........................(sigh)
I have no comment. Still heart broken. (sigh)
6. 1, 2, 3...Gloria Estefan
Just let me complete the sentence. I was setting green beans on the kitchen table at my grandparents house. This song. I don't know. No other explanation. I was 3 at the time.
7. The Chokin' Kind-Joss Stone
April of 2005. Townsend Hotel. Mitchell's Fish Market. Lenny's Kravitz. Lenny's personal (very personal) trainer. Miami. (sigh). That is all.
8. Across the Universe-The Beatles
Family road trip to visit family in Ontario. We listened to the Black or ...was it the White Album? Regardless, this is the song I remember most. Driving in my Dad's Silver 850 Turbo..the smell of the car, Julie and I in the backseat, windows down..........this song. I was 11
9. Tearin' Up My Heart-* N Sync
Flex. Jenny Wu. Troy High parties. Me dancing in front of my bedroom, bathroom, and the MASSIVE-dance studio-like mirrors in the living room. I thought Justin was the best thing since Lip Smackers and colored contacts. So happy that phase only lasted 2 weeks.....the colored contacts, I still rep the Smackers.
....okay, you know what-my boys deserve some more face time. Please note Justin's "Ryan Phillipe moment"
Oh yes, there is more.
I can't promise you that they are actually singing, but who the hell cares....it was love.
Um, do you have to ask me twice? NO. I mean, YES. YES I WILL BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND. "I ain't shooting game, boo. I'm just tellin' ya how I feel".
WORD.
10. The Scientist-Coldplay
Nobody ever said it was easy.....and it's not. But, I still love this song.
Here are some of those songs:
1. Toca's Miracle-Fragma
Winter of 2001-heard this song in Rome. EVERYTHING comes back when I hear this song: the lady at the Diesel store that refused to let me try on a white shirt because she was afraid my make up would rub off. I was wearing nothing but mascara. The hot special forces guy I met from Texas, on his way to Croatia. The pub crawl we took with my Aunt Gayle. The pistachio gelato I ordered at this small shop near the Spanish Steps. The black cats around the Coliseum. Everything. I go back.
2. Yellow Ledbetter-Pearl Jam
This song wraps up 6th-8th grade. While I do my best to block those wonderful years out of my memory, this song always remains. I would put this song on repeat on my Sony CD player, which took up half of my dresser, and would put this song on repeat as I read, "Lord of the Flies", "Hatchet", and did last minute reports on John Lennon, Spotted Owls, and Voyage of the Mimi. I love this song almost as much as the man who sings it.
3. Shawty-Plies
I know, don't hate, don't judge, and don't repeat this. I flippin' LOVE this jam. This song represents one of the best summers of my life-sushi with Simona everyday, Vince (it was fun at the time), and laying out by the pool every single day. I went through some major mental AND physical changes that summer...gooooooood times. This song immediately takes me back to SPF15, jean cut offs, and ZERO responsibilities.
4. What's Love-Fat Joe w/ Ashanti
The first time I heard this song, I was at a Pimps and Ho's Party at Stanford visiting Steph. All I recall is a lot of black lights, tin foil, and me being...........well.....um, it was a theme party so I went with it. The best memory of this song is Steph and I thinking it was called, "LAST NIIIIIGHT". I still throw this song on my, "Time to get ready to go out" playlist.
5. Stay or Leave-Dave Matthews
(sigh)..........................(sigh)...........................(sigh)
I have no comment. Still heart broken. (sigh)
6. 1, 2, 3...Gloria Estefan
Just let me complete the sentence. I was setting green beans on the kitchen table at my grandparents house. This song. I don't know. No other explanation. I was 3 at the time.
7. The Chokin' Kind-Joss Stone
April of 2005. Townsend Hotel. Mitchell's Fish Market. Lenny's Kravitz. Lenny's personal (very personal) trainer. Miami. (sigh). That is all.
8. Across the Universe-The Beatles
Family road trip to visit family in Ontario. We listened to the Black or ...was it the White Album? Regardless, this is the song I remember most. Driving in my Dad's Silver 850 Turbo..the smell of the car, Julie and I in the backseat, windows down..........this song. I was 11
9. Tearin' Up My Heart-* N Sync
Flex. Jenny Wu. Troy High parties. Me dancing in front of my bedroom, bathroom, and the MASSIVE-dance studio-like mirrors in the living room. I thought Justin was the best thing since Lip Smackers and colored contacts. So happy that phase only lasted 2 weeks.....the colored contacts, I still rep the Smackers.
....okay, you know what-my boys deserve some more face time. Please note Justin's "Ryan Phillipe moment"
Oh yes, there is more.
I can't promise you that they are actually singing, but who the hell cares....it was love.
Um, do you have to ask me twice? NO. I mean, YES. YES I WILL BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND. "I ain't shooting game, boo. I'm just tellin' ya how I feel".
WORD.
10. The Scientist-Coldplay
Nobody ever said it was easy.....and it's not. But, I still love this song.
Monday, July 27, 2009
"THE HOT ISSUE" is not the issue
How he tilts his head hints at what's going on inside it. The hair moves guys can't resist. 10 things guys wish you knew. The stalking danger you don't expect.
Excerpt from a romance novel? No. Try the table of contents of this month's Cosmo issue.
I feel like I read Cosmo far more when I was 17 and should have been reading, well, Seventeen. I recently picked up a copy, NO idea why. I also bought a bag of sour Skittles. Again, very unlike me. So maybe there was something that inspired me between the citronella candles and the candy to pick up an issue of Cosmopolitan, "The Hot Issue". Really? Like, other issues of the magazine compare to Martha Stewart Living and Newsweek? What I want to know is, how do they NOT run out of "10 ways to drive him crazy". After years of "ways", doesn't that add up to THOUSANDS of ways to "drive him crazy". Guys are not that complicated, physically...I can think of one way that usually works. I won't charge you $4.79 for the tip, either.
As I skimmed through the pages, all I really saw were advertisements for lotion, hair products, and birth control. But after digging through all of the glossy pages of beautiful hair and unattainable legs without cellulite, I finally made it to the horoscope section.
Aquarius: Don't commit to any long-range plans (like a winter vacation); your priorities will shift under the changeable Moon on the 14th. Nasty rumors about your ex are not true (great, NOW you tell me?), so be the bigger person and don't spread the dirt.
Dating Tip: Impetuous Mars sparks a red-hot attraction with a friend of a friend. Your heart will literally pound when you lock eyes. Get your flirt on because he feels it too.
Love Advice: Expansive Jupiter makes you crave erotic encores. Giving him o**l will help get him up to speed for round two.
I mean, REALLY people? How about you do whatever the heck you want to or do not want to do in round one and if he still likes you then GREAT! But kudos for putting the WHORE in Horoscope. Well done.
The Cosmo quiz this month is "Are you good-girl hot or bad-girl hot". Look I don't care if you think I'm good OR bad...just as long as you think I'm hot. Please. This magazine, essentially, after all the tips for hair, make up, how to walk, talk, think, wear a padded bra, and flirt DOES offer ways to fend off stalkers (page 133). After you make yourself hot you will have THOUSANDS of suitors and stalkers....so, they even have us covered there, ladies. Good to know, good to know.
EVEN THE DRINKS are "sexy" in Cosmo. Oh yes, check out page 206. "Summer's Sexiest Drinks". WHAT? At least have sexy names like Sex on the Beach, Red-headed Slut, or the like. WHAT is sexy about Lemon Ice or an Orange Creamsicle. Anyone? Nothing. There is nothing "sexy" about them.
In the "Love & Lust" section, on page 117, Cosmo gives us tips on "How to Get Hit on ALL the Time". This was great. Absolutely amazing. Considering that they assume you will be at a bar when you get "hit on", shouldn't we ALSO assume that alcohol is involved? Want to get hit on ladies? Just go to Black Finn. Really doesn't matter what you look like, what you are wearing, how you flip your hair, or play with the rim of your glass with your finger...some guy will find you hot. I promise. But, just in case you need more guidance on how to handle a guy that hits on you...check this out...
Cosmo is recommending you say...."Thanks. I'd love a drink. I was having pinot grigio", not this, "I don't know what to get-ask the bartender for me! But nothing with too many calories".
My name is Rachel Reed, and this is what I think when a guy offers to buy me a drink (assuming I just met him). I first think...what's in it for him. If I'm already buzzed, is he hoping this next drink puts me over the edge, thus in turn increasing the odds of him getting "lucky". Whatever "lucky" means. I think you're lucky if I give you more than 15 seconds of my time when I'm out with my friends...but....maybe others have a different opinion. But next time I'm at happy hour, I'll be sure to take Cosmo's advice and play with my shoe with my toes...sounds like a balancing act to me. But what if someone offers to buy me a glass of wine? AH! I won't be able to balance my shoe after a few of those...oh no...NOW what? While you can say the not-so-witty two liners that Cosmo recommends, I suggest politely declining. If you don't take candy from strangers, why would you accept a drink from one? I was munching on carrots and ranch dressing at a local bar one night...why didn't someone offer me another round of baby carrots? Why? Because you can't get drunk off baby carrots. Jury is still out regarding ranch dressing. Therefore, call me a man-hater, jaded, or cynical...when a stranger (man) offers to buy me a drink I assume he wants to get in my pants. Otherwise, he would have offered to buy me baby carrots or cover my parking fee from the structure.
My all-time favorite section from this month's Cosmo is on page 106, "He's Perfect, But..."
For example, "He's perfect, but he wears fugly man jewelry". The Fix? "Next time he wears his flair, enlist a girlfriend to poke fun at him gently by saying, 'I could have sworn I saw that at a women's store at the mall. Is that where you got it?"
WOW! Great idea, guys (or should I say, girls). Let's hurt his feelings. Perfect. Not only will he get upset from the comment, he will most likely think your enlisted girlfriend is a bitch.
"He quotes movies 24/7" The fix? "Say in a joking manner, let me take you to the movies so you can get some new lines". Look, if you REALLY like the guy enough to date him...odds are, you will also know the movies he adores because hopefully you enjoy them too. Finish his lines. But what do I know, right?
To dedicate 4 pages on how to "change" your boyfriend completely baffles me. Why would you want to change him when you just spent hours reading 195 pages about how 10-sure ways to attract him , 101 ways to please him, and 4 words that will keep him. I mean, right?
Excerpt from a romance novel? No. Try the table of contents of this month's Cosmo issue.
I feel like I read Cosmo far more when I was 17 and should have been reading, well, Seventeen. I recently picked up a copy, NO idea why. I also bought a bag of sour Skittles. Again, very unlike me. So maybe there was something that inspired me between the citronella candles and the candy to pick up an issue of Cosmopolitan, "The Hot Issue". Really? Like, other issues of the magazine compare to Martha Stewart Living and Newsweek? What I want to know is, how do they NOT run out of "10 ways to drive him crazy". After years of "ways", doesn't that add up to THOUSANDS of ways to "drive him crazy". Guys are not that complicated, physically...I can think of one way that usually works. I won't charge you $4.79 for the tip, either.
As I skimmed through the pages, all I really saw were advertisements for lotion, hair products, and birth control. But after digging through all of the glossy pages of beautiful hair and unattainable legs without cellulite, I finally made it to the horoscope section.
Aquarius: Don't commit to any long-range plans (like a winter vacation); your priorities will shift under the changeable Moon on the 14th. Nasty rumors about your ex are not true (great, NOW you tell me?), so be the bigger person and don't spread the dirt.
Dating Tip: Impetuous Mars sparks a red-hot attraction with a friend of a friend. Your heart will literally pound when you lock eyes. Get your flirt on because he feels it too.
Love Advice: Expansive Jupiter makes you crave erotic encores. Giving him o**l will help get him up to speed for round two.
I mean, REALLY people? How about you do whatever the heck you want to or do not want to do in round one and if he still likes you then GREAT! But kudos for putting the WHORE in Horoscope. Well done.
The Cosmo quiz this month is "Are you good-girl hot or bad-girl hot". Look I don't care if you think I'm good OR bad...just as long as you think I'm hot. Please. This magazine, essentially, after all the tips for hair, make up, how to walk, talk, think, wear a padded bra, and flirt DOES offer ways to fend off stalkers (page 133). After you make yourself hot you will have THOUSANDS of suitors and stalkers....so, they even have us covered there, ladies. Good to know, good to know.
EVEN THE DRINKS are "sexy" in Cosmo. Oh yes, check out page 206. "Summer's Sexiest Drinks". WHAT? At least have sexy names like Sex on the Beach, Red-headed Slut, or the like. WHAT is sexy about Lemon Ice or an Orange Creamsicle. Anyone? Nothing. There is nothing "sexy" about them.
In the "Love & Lust" section, on page 117, Cosmo gives us tips on "How to Get Hit on ALL the Time". This was great. Absolutely amazing. Considering that they assume you will be at a bar when you get "hit on", shouldn't we ALSO assume that alcohol is involved? Want to get hit on ladies? Just go to Black Finn. Really doesn't matter what you look like, what you are wearing, how you flip your hair, or play with the rim of your glass with your finger...some guy will find you hot. I promise. But, just in case you need more guidance on how to handle a guy that hits on you...check this out...
Cosmo is recommending you say...."Thanks. I'd love a drink. I was having pinot grigio", not this, "I don't know what to get-ask the bartender for me! But nothing with too many calories".
My name is Rachel Reed, and this is what I think when a guy offers to buy me a drink (assuming I just met him). I first think...what's in it for him. If I'm already buzzed, is he hoping this next drink puts me over the edge, thus in turn increasing the odds of him getting "lucky". Whatever "lucky" means. I think you're lucky if I give you more than 15 seconds of my time when I'm out with my friends...but....maybe others have a different opinion. But next time I'm at happy hour, I'll be sure to take Cosmo's advice and play with my shoe with my toes...sounds like a balancing act to me. But what if someone offers to buy me a glass of wine? AH! I won't be able to balance my shoe after a few of those...oh no...NOW what? While you can say the not-so-witty two liners that Cosmo recommends, I suggest politely declining. If you don't take candy from strangers, why would you accept a drink from one? I was munching on carrots and ranch dressing at a local bar one night...why didn't someone offer me another round of baby carrots? Why? Because you can't get drunk off baby carrots. Jury is still out regarding ranch dressing. Therefore, call me a man-hater, jaded, or cynical...when a stranger (man) offers to buy me a drink I assume he wants to get in my pants. Otherwise, he would have offered to buy me baby carrots or cover my parking fee from the structure.
My all-time favorite section from this month's Cosmo is on page 106, "He's Perfect, But..."
For example, "He's perfect, but he wears fugly man jewelry". The Fix? "Next time he wears his flair, enlist a girlfriend to poke fun at him gently by saying, 'I could have sworn I saw that at a women's store at the mall. Is that where you got it?"
WOW! Great idea, guys (or should I say, girls). Let's hurt his feelings. Perfect. Not only will he get upset from the comment, he will most likely think your enlisted girlfriend is a bitch.
"He quotes movies 24/7" The fix? "Say in a joking manner, let me take you to the movies so you can get some new lines". Look, if you REALLY like the guy enough to date him...odds are, you will also know the movies he adores because hopefully you enjoy them too. Finish his lines. But what do I know, right?
To dedicate 4 pages on how to "change" your boyfriend completely baffles me. Why would you want to change him when you just spent hours reading 195 pages about how 10-sure ways to attract him , 101 ways to please him, and 4 words that will keep him. I mean, right?
Thursday, June 25, 2009
no title, sorry.
While cleaning out my basement last week, I literally walked into a box of "old" movies. What movie was on the top? "Before Sunset". I forgot how much I absolutely love that movie. When people ask what my favorite movies are, I usually respond with the obvious: Best in Show, Home Alone, Just Friends, Drop Dead Gorgeous, Swingers, etc. Before Sunset and Before Sunrise (really feels like one whole movie), are both excellent flicks. I watched both, back to back, a few nights ago. Could relate a little more to the storyline now than ever before. Can't really explain why....it's just weird.
I'm REALLY hoping for a third to come out. I need closure and Ethan Hawke is still a babe.
That is all.
Favorite part of Before Sunrise
Favorite part of Before Sunset
I'm REALLY hoping for a third to come out. I need closure and Ethan Hawke is still a babe.
That is all.
Favorite part of Before Sunrise
Favorite part of Before Sunset
Monday, June 8, 2009
Lights, Camera....act sad.
I'm trying to think of the most traumatic thing that has ever happened to me. I think it is a tie between trying on a cute dress I couldn't manage to zip up and button, and breaking up with my first love. Regardless, try to recall the most depressing or unexpected bad thing that has happened to you. If you are like me, it was probably hard to talk without crying...
I had countless conversations with my parents, on their family room couch, petting the dog, SO distraught I could not even manage to mumble "I don't want to talk about it". Like when I found out my Opa passed away, unexpectedly. You completely break down. I broke down for months (even now), when I saw an accordion, Stroh's beer, or see my Oma (completely heartbroken).
Here is my point. I'm a very open person, and rarely am I speechless. However, I know for a FACT that if my child (I don't have one yet, but I can only imagine) was kidnapped and murdered I would NOT be going on local OR national television to talk about it.
While not all families have the luxury of hiring a PR person to handle crisis situations and to "speak on behalf of the family", I don't think it's ever appropriate for grieving people to go on TV and state the obvious.
"We are very sad. I want my daughter back", says a mourning Father...minutes after the ambulance takes his daughter's body away.
"He was SUCH a good student. Star athlete" , claims an Uncle of a 14 year old, killed by a hit and run driver.
"Who would have done this to my son?" , asks a sobbing Mother...in her front yard, as police wrap yellow tape connecting trees to the porch.
Rarely will you see a resident of an affluent community speak to the media regarding tragic situations, especially involving family members. It seems, to me anyway, that most people that talk to the media after TRAGIC situations are from very poor areas. If the previous statement is true, why is this?
You could argue that most people embrace public recognition regardless of the circumstances. Or that we are all just looking for our "15 minutes". Maybe people feel obligated to speak to the media, since they are pounding on their front door just minutes after the family learns of their Daughter's tragic death.
I will NEVER forget driving down Auburn Road, between Crooks and Adams, and seeing one of the most disturbing sights EVER: mangled metal, that was once a boy's Huffy. A small tennis shoe, resting alone, feet away from the wreckage. You could still hear faint sirens in the distance. There was a Channel 4 van, parked in the driveway...reporter with notepad in hand, making her way to the front porch. Brownie points for being FIRST ON THE SCENE, Ruth...but at what cost? I mean, right?
How can "they", the "media", do such things? Is everything a story? Are some tales better left untold?
Neveah, the beautiful little girl from Monroe, has been plastered on billboards, the news, local publications, and on anything with a canvas. It clearly "made national news". The Mother of the slain little girl was on Nancy Grace (who is quite possibly one of the most annoying people...ever).
Here is some footage:
My first question: Why. WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY did this woman think it was a wise decision to go on NATIONAL television to "clear up rumors". Let me remind you...YOUR YOUNG DAUGHTER WAS ABDUCTED UNDER YOUR CARE AND WAS MURDERED. Do the rumors really matter? Wait a year, write a book...watch it climb on the NY Best Sellers list and reap all the benefits of going "global" with your sorrow.
I am not going to slam her for being void of emotion. We all handle tragedy differently. I'm completely inconsolable when tragedy strikes me or my family. Not all people are, and that's fine. She, her friend, and the child's Uncle all seem like they are, in a sick way, enjoying speaking to the media. I mean, right?
Watch it again...........
RIGHT? Lit Marlboro in hand, he should have been holding a Tim Horton's coffee in the other. Do they just not know any better? I could understand going on national television to beg the American public to assist in searching for her daughter. Or, after a criminal sentence, holding a press conference to "close the case".
"While we are sad we lost our daughter, we are pleased the killer was found and will spend the rest of his life behind bars". Boom. Done. Official statement. The end.
I cannot tolerate people/families that build relationships with local media to exploit tragic situations by turning them into an pseudo episode of Maury Povich or Montell. I do not think there is a direct relation between class and economic status. We all know wealthy people that are jerks and some of the nicest people I know are completely broke. Class is a mindset, but it seems that most people that elect to go on TV to discuss personal, tragic matters...are simply misguided and ignorant. Shame on the media for taking advantage of the ignorance of others. Shame on the families for subjecting their loved ones to more scrutiny. Shame on "us" for watching this garbage.
Speaking of which....anyone see the last episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8? I should have TIVO'd it.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Can you please save MY seat?
Things were a bit crazy today at my local grocery store. People buying last minute condiments and ice for family parties, backyard BBQ's, and bonfires for the holiday. I slowly drove up and down each aisle (is that what you call rows in parking lots?). Let me try that one again....
I drove up and down each row in the parking lot. We all know the signs to look for and the odds that each one of the following offers for a valued spot.
1. Mother walking with her kid(s) and a shopping basket. If the kids are old enough to walk on their own, this is the most ideal situation that involves kids. If the mom is smart, she will have her kids help load the groceries into the car. If the kid(s) are in a stroller or seated in the front of the shopping cart....continue driving. You are better off parking in the back of the lot and walking. That was sexist of me. This scenario can also be "Father walking with kids".
2. A single person with a single bag. Hands down best scenario. UNLESS the person has an arm extended, gripping their keys and looking dumbfounded. How can you forget where you parked? Actually, I'm usually that idiot walking around aimlessly. Be courteous and make it known you are lost. * Not the best decision if you are in a bad neighborhood. Always walk with a purpose, even if you don't know where you parked. Others don't need to know that*
3. The weave-and-walk shopper. You all know who you are and we hate you. If you forgot where you parked, that is completely okay. However, please see above....please extend your arm and at least pretend to hit the "panic" button on your key fab. This immediately lets everyone else know that you do NOT know where your car is. It could take a while. Continue driving, move on...
The people that CHOOSE to walk in between cars and through rows are annoying and pretty inconsiderate. You KNOW where your car is parked, but rather than walking in strategic, reasonable, and obvious routes, YOU think it's more fun to deliberately walk like you are in a corn maze. You get more "what the hell" points, if you continue this behavior when a car is clearly "stalking" you in the lot. At least have the decency to acknowledge them and point toward the direction of your car. You get brownie points if you mouth, "I'm the red Explorer". Or, "I'm not leaving". You know, REALLY shake your head side to side...exaggerate the "NOT" in leaving.
4. Plants and other Awkward Cargo. This one is obvious. Don't bother following people pushing 2 by 4's or pine trees...it WILL take a while. However, if you are really bored, it's often entertaining to watch how the common consumer tries to tie down a king mattress to the hood of a small car. Delivery is usually only $50.00, and it's typically worth it, people. Most of us get a kick out of passing you on the road. We really appreciate your arm sticking out the window and gripping whatever is on top. Like your hand is really going to hold down drywall, buddy.
I follow the "3-row rule" (actually, I made that up). You drive down only 3 rows. If you do not find a spot or a person that falls into one of the "good scenarios" within that area...drive to the back of the lot and walk. Unless you have a sprained ankle or need to return a washing machine, walking is usually the best bet. You will be in the store and trying on that cute wedge in a size 8 before most idiots out in the lot put their car in "P".
Now that we have gone over the basics, here is where the real problem lies. The feeling of entitlement and ownership of "public space" in this country baffles me. How many times have you said (sometimes in nicer words than others), "HEY LADY, you took MY spot!". Not to sound like a 5-year old, but I have to ask...was your name on it? Nooooooo. What qualified that spot to be "yours"?
As I was inching down one of the rows in the parking lot at Kroger this afternoon, I followed the best scenario. A young guy was walking out with a case of beer (I guess that is a good scenario in more ways than one, but anyway). He was parked in the first spot next to a handicapped spot. I was driving toward the store, following him from the "front" if you will. I immediately put my turn signal on, and as he pulled out, a dark blue minivan turned the corner like a crazy mom out of a PTSA meeting, and slid into "my spot". No turn signal. No regard for the safety of shoppers. And certainly did not acknowledge me waiting and my intent to drive into the spot. I intentionally waited there until the driver got out of the van. "PSh. I thought to myself. You can have "my" spot. You AND your "I love my Pug" t-shirt. Loser. I felt better in knowing I was better than her in little ways, my car being one of them. Isn't it funny how we do that? If she was in a REALLY nice car, I would have said.."Who do you think you are? Just because you drive a Range Rover you think you own the lot?", opposed to, "Wow. You can take your old beat up Kia and HAVE my spot". I'm amazed with how angry I get when someone takes "my spot". But, what can you do? Chase her into the store like a crazy person, yelling foul words? Flick her off? Scowl at her? Honk your horn? I mean, right?
Kroger owns that space. While maybe 1/10th of a cent that you are spending on that half gallon of 2% may go to maintaining that "space"...it is far from "yours". Yes, I know you shop there every single Sunday, but again...NOT your space.
This phenomenon extends deeper into society then shopping malls and grocery stores. Private ownership of public space occurs at sporting events, movie theaters, planes, waiting rooms, casinos, and restaurants.
How many of us have asked a COMPLETE stranger next to us in Gate C15, "Hey, would you mind watching my stuff while I go to the restroom?". "Sure, no problem", they always say back. Why don't more people respond with, "I'm not so sure I feel comfortable to be responsible for your belongings while you pee". People leave the well-being of their laptops, carry on's, food, guitars, etc. in the hands of complete strangers! The ONLY thing you have in common with this person is your 5:44 flight from DTW to LGA. I mean, right?
What these people are "watching" is not necessarily just your copy of Cosmo or your Northface fleece.What they are doing, in essence, is holding "your" seat. Same with movie theaters. "You go get the popcorn and Sour Patch Kids and I will save you a seat". Seinfeld had a great episode on this...saving seats in theaters. What gives YOU the right to "hold" a seat for someone else and, furthermore, who decided that a jacket or sweater was the universally recognized garment for "occupied". Seats taken, can't sit here.
How about at bars. I was at Memphis Smoke last night, up on the roof. Place was PACKED. My group eyed the crowds and the picnic tables that were scattered around the patio. Most of these tables could comfortably sit 8, but many only had 3 or 4 people present. My sister looked at me and said..."Why don't we try to sit next to those guys. There are only two of them and they have that big table". It worked. They were cool about it, until our guy friends sat down. My sister's words? "Hey, do you guys mind sharing your table?". It's not THEIR table, though. I mean, right? They didn't pay for it. Did they make it? No.
Sporting events and concerts are no exception. You don't OWN that seat, you are simply "renting" it for an agreed amount of time and/or conditions. Usually, if it's reserved seating you are okay. General admission? Gooooood luck. There is essentially nothing stopping anyone from "taking" your seat. I don't care how many times your friend says, "she will be right back". Is this an American thing or a universal practice? I'm confused.
If it's an American thing, then I think we can guess where it originated from. By default I think "we" feel a sense of entitlement and/or ownership. The American "seat" was essentially already taken when the pilgrims landed on Plymouth Rock. * I know the pilgrims were NOT the first people to "discover" America. For the sake of fluidity and argument, just go with it*. The Native Americans were just that...native (at least MORE native than those that followed). They had their jacket on the seat. The WHOLE lot was filled with their cars. I mean, right? Apparently, they were in a tow-away zone. Doesn't really seem fair, eh?
Or, maybe it's human nature to have the "mine" mentality. "That's MY seat. That's MY parking spot. That's MY table." What makes it yours? What are the terms of this temporary ownership?
Were we always like this? Will we change? Is this even a bad thing?
I drove up and down each row in the parking lot. We all know the signs to look for and the odds that each one of the following offers for a valued spot.
1. Mother walking with her kid(s) and a shopping basket. If the kids are old enough to walk on their own, this is the most ideal situation that involves kids. If the mom is smart, she will have her kids help load the groceries into the car. If the kid(s) are in a stroller or seated in the front of the shopping cart....continue driving. You are better off parking in the back of the lot and walking. That was sexist of me. This scenario can also be "Father walking with kids".
2. A single person with a single bag. Hands down best scenario. UNLESS the person has an arm extended, gripping their keys and looking dumbfounded. How can you forget where you parked? Actually, I'm usually that idiot walking around aimlessly. Be courteous and make it known you are lost. * Not the best decision if you are in a bad neighborhood. Always walk with a purpose, even if you don't know where you parked. Others don't need to know that*
3. The weave-and-walk shopper. You all know who you are and we hate you. If you forgot where you parked, that is completely okay. However, please see above....please extend your arm and at least pretend to hit the "panic" button on your key fab. This immediately lets everyone else know that you do NOT know where your car is. It could take a while. Continue driving, move on...
The people that CHOOSE to walk in between cars and through rows are annoying and pretty inconsiderate. You KNOW where your car is parked, but rather than walking in strategic, reasonable, and obvious routes, YOU think it's more fun to deliberately walk like you are in a corn maze. You get more "what the hell" points, if you continue this behavior when a car is clearly "stalking" you in the lot. At least have the decency to acknowledge them and point toward the direction of your car. You get brownie points if you mouth, "I'm the red Explorer". Or, "I'm not leaving". You know, REALLY shake your head side to side...exaggerate the "NOT" in leaving.
4. Plants and other Awkward Cargo. This one is obvious. Don't bother following people pushing 2 by 4's or pine trees...it WILL take a while. However, if you are really bored, it's often entertaining to watch how the common consumer tries to tie down a king mattress to the hood of a small car. Delivery is usually only $50.00, and it's typically worth it, people. Most of us get a kick out of passing you on the road. We really appreciate your arm sticking out the window and gripping whatever is on top. Like your hand is really going to hold down drywall, buddy.
I follow the "3-row rule" (actually, I made that up). You drive down only 3 rows. If you do not find a spot or a person that falls into one of the "good scenarios" within that area...drive to the back of the lot and walk. Unless you have a sprained ankle or need to return a washing machine, walking is usually the best bet. You will be in the store and trying on that cute wedge in a size 8 before most idiots out in the lot put their car in "P".
Now that we have gone over the basics, here is where the real problem lies. The feeling of entitlement and ownership of "public space" in this country baffles me. How many times have you said (sometimes in nicer words than others), "HEY LADY, you took MY spot!". Not to sound like a 5-year old, but I have to ask...was your name on it? Nooooooo. What qualified that spot to be "yours"?
As I was inching down one of the rows in the parking lot at Kroger this afternoon, I followed the best scenario. A young guy was walking out with a case of beer (I guess that is a good scenario in more ways than one, but anyway). He was parked in the first spot next to a handicapped spot. I was driving toward the store, following him from the "front" if you will. I immediately put my turn signal on, and as he pulled out, a dark blue minivan turned the corner like a crazy mom out of a PTSA meeting, and slid into "my spot". No turn signal. No regard for the safety of shoppers. And certainly did not acknowledge me waiting and my intent to drive into the spot. I intentionally waited there until the driver got out of the van. "PSh. I thought to myself. You can have "my" spot. You AND your "I love my Pug" t-shirt. Loser. I felt better in knowing I was better than her in little ways, my car being one of them. Isn't it funny how we do that? If she was in a REALLY nice car, I would have said.."Who do you think you are? Just because you drive a Range Rover you think you own the lot?", opposed to, "Wow. You can take your old beat up Kia and HAVE my spot". I'm amazed with how angry I get when someone takes "my spot". But, what can you do? Chase her into the store like a crazy person, yelling foul words? Flick her off? Scowl at her? Honk your horn? I mean, right?
Kroger owns that space. While maybe 1/10th of a cent that you are spending on that half gallon of 2% may go to maintaining that "space"...it is far from "yours". Yes, I know you shop there every single Sunday, but again...NOT your space.
This phenomenon extends deeper into society then shopping malls and grocery stores. Private ownership of public space occurs at sporting events, movie theaters, planes, waiting rooms, casinos, and restaurants.
How many of us have asked a COMPLETE stranger next to us in Gate C15, "Hey, would you mind watching my stuff while I go to the restroom?". "Sure, no problem", they always say back. Why don't more people respond with, "I'm not so sure I feel comfortable to be responsible for your belongings while you pee". People leave the well-being of their laptops, carry on's, food, guitars, etc. in the hands of complete strangers! The ONLY thing you have in common with this person is your 5:44 flight from DTW to LGA. I mean, right?
What these people are "watching" is not necessarily just your copy of Cosmo or your Northface fleece.What they are doing, in essence, is holding "your" seat. Same with movie theaters. "You go get the popcorn and Sour Patch Kids and I will save you a seat". Seinfeld had a great episode on this...saving seats in theaters. What gives YOU the right to "hold" a seat for someone else and, furthermore, who decided that a jacket or sweater was the universally recognized garment for "occupied". Seats taken, can't sit here.
How about at bars. I was at Memphis Smoke last night, up on the roof. Place was PACKED. My group eyed the crowds and the picnic tables that were scattered around the patio. Most of these tables could comfortably sit 8, but many only had 3 or 4 people present. My sister looked at me and said..."Why don't we try to sit next to those guys. There are only two of them and they have that big table". It worked. They were cool about it, until our guy friends sat down. My sister's words? "Hey, do you guys mind sharing your table?". It's not THEIR table, though. I mean, right? They didn't pay for it. Did they make it? No.
Sporting events and concerts are no exception. You don't OWN that seat, you are simply "renting" it for an agreed amount of time and/or conditions. Usually, if it's reserved seating you are okay. General admission? Gooooood luck. There is essentially nothing stopping anyone from "taking" your seat. I don't care how many times your friend says, "she will be right back". Is this an American thing or a universal practice? I'm confused.
If it's an American thing, then I think we can guess where it originated from. By default I think "we" feel a sense of entitlement and/or ownership. The American "seat" was essentially already taken when the pilgrims landed on Plymouth Rock. * I know the pilgrims were NOT the first people to "discover" America. For the sake of fluidity and argument, just go with it*. The Native Americans were just that...native (at least MORE native than those that followed). They had their jacket on the seat. The WHOLE lot was filled with their cars. I mean, right? Apparently, they were in a tow-away zone. Doesn't really seem fair, eh?
Or, maybe it's human nature to have the "mine" mentality. "That's MY seat. That's MY parking spot. That's MY table." What makes it yours? What are the terms of this temporary ownership?
Were we always like this? Will we change? Is this even a bad thing?
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
20 songs that make me cry...is this weird?
I could be in the best mood, EVER...but when I hear certain songs. I'm a wreck. Maybe not a "wreck", but I fear my contacts will fall out from the additional moisture.
Here are some: (actually, I just figured out how to incorporate video into Blogs, so...I needed an excuse)
#1. Gavin Degraw's Version of "Tracks of My Tears":
#2. Johhny Lang, "Breakin' Me". Considering he was only 17 when he recorded it simply amazes me.
#3. Kelly Clarkson, "Beautiful Disaster". I think we all know why this song makes me sad...please don't make me explain it again.
#4. Jet, "Look what you've Done". It gone done make me cry each and every time
#5. John Mayer, "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room". How poetic...aaaaand it makes me cry.
#6. Candlebox, "Far Behind". I was never left by anyone, but I typically leave people. Forget, no explanation, just love the song
#7. Snow Patrol, "Run". (However, I really think Leona Lewis sings it better...so....)
Actually, Leona is WAY better....
#8. Sinead O'Conner (Prince), "Nothing Compares to You"
.....................please. This song has eat ice cream and read Jane Austen ALL over it. Sure, she had her breakdown with the Catholic Church, but haven't we all.
#9. Andrea Bocelli, "Con te Partiro" "Time to Say Goodbye". No clue what he is singing, but the title is enough to make me cry.
#10. Elvis, " I can't help falling in love with you". It was my parents wedding song. Borderline cheesey, yes...BUT, when you see them slow dance to it (even in the kitchen), you cry. I love my parents therefore I love this song.
#11. Bryan Adams, "Please forgive me". For some odd reason, I LOVE the pseudo apologetic ballads. I always thought this song was about him asking for forgiveness because he messed up(until like 5 months ago). Oh, no...he wants you to forgive him because he loves you SOOOO much. Ah, beautiful.
#11.5 Michael Bolton, "Said I loved you but I lied". I LITERALLY thought he lied about loving someone, until I listened to the lyrics around Christmas time when the song came on Pandora. HE FEELS MORE than love. Therefore, he "lied" when he said he "loved" you. It's so so so much more than that. YOU ALL KNOW I AM OBSESSED WITH THIS SONG!
Please take the time to appreciate the big hair, stone-washed jeans, and random girl riding bareback on the beach. OH! And the line of fire....AND the same mountain top Britney sang "I'm not yet a woman" on. Actually, Bolton takes us on a unique and sensual tour of what appears to be the Southwest. Yee haw, Michael. I can't believe it's not butter...wait..wrong guy.
#12. Mariah Carey, "My All". ***Warning. If you have a dog, be nice and put headphones on. Some of these notes, like at the start of the song, may be offensive to them***
#13. Schubert,"Ave Maria". So many versions of this song. Absolutely one of my favorite songs...reminds me of funerals, though. So do fresh flowers.
#14. Sarah Brightman and Winchester Boys Choir, "Pie Jesu". Love it love it love it. Loved it since I was 6 years old...
#15. Coldplay, "The Scientist". I appreciate Natasha Bedingfield's version. Right right right.
#16. Heart, "Alone". Because we can ALL relate to this song. Period. The End. Roll the credits.
#17. Gavin Degraw, "Lover be Strong". This song is brilliant. Gavin is underrated. And that's all I'm going to say about all that.
#18. Chris Isaak, "Life will go on". This was in the movie, "Chasing Liberty". Um...I heard it and cried. I couldn't find a version with only Chris singing. No clue why Cyndi is in it. Go have fun, Cyndi.
#19. Phil Collins, "Against all odds". Again, anyone have a Kleenex or a gun? Just kidding about the gun, but I'll take the tissue.
#20. Dave Matthews, "Stay or Leave". Obviously, he did not stay. And that's why it makes me sad.
#21. ***BONUS TRACK*** Jack Johnson, "Sitting, waiting, wishing". I sit. I wait. I wish. And it's not without tears. Oh, Jack....
My heart will go on, Jack. I mean, right?
Here are some: (actually, I just figured out how to incorporate video into Blogs, so...I needed an excuse)
#1. Gavin Degraw's Version of "Tracks of My Tears":
#2. Johhny Lang, "Breakin' Me". Considering he was only 17 when he recorded it simply amazes me.
#3. Kelly Clarkson, "Beautiful Disaster". I think we all know why this song makes me sad...please don't make me explain it again.
#4. Jet, "Look what you've Done". It gone done make me cry each and every time
#5. John Mayer, "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room". How poetic...aaaaand it makes me cry.
#6. Candlebox, "Far Behind". I was never left by anyone, but I typically leave people. Forget, no explanation, just love the song
#7. Snow Patrol, "Run". (However, I really think Leona Lewis sings it better...so....)
Actually, Leona is WAY better....
#8. Sinead O'Conner (Prince), "Nothing Compares to You"
.....................please. This song has eat ice cream and read Jane Austen ALL over it. Sure, she had her breakdown with the Catholic Church, but haven't we all.
#9. Andrea Bocelli, "Con te Partiro" "Time to Say Goodbye". No clue what he is singing, but the title is enough to make me cry.
#10. Elvis, " I can't help falling in love with you". It was my parents wedding song. Borderline cheesey, yes...BUT, when you see them slow dance to it (even in the kitchen), you cry. I love my parents therefore I love this song.
#11. Bryan Adams, "Please forgive me". For some odd reason, I LOVE the pseudo apologetic ballads. I always thought this song was about him asking for forgiveness because he messed up(until like 5 months ago). Oh, no...he wants you to forgive him because he loves you SOOOO much. Ah, beautiful.
#11.5 Michael Bolton, "Said I loved you but I lied". I LITERALLY thought he lied about loving someone, until I listened to the lyrics around Christmas time when the song came on Pandora. HE FEELS MORE than love. Therefore, he "lied" when he said he "loved" you. It's so so so much more than that. YOU ALL KNOW I AM OBSESSED WITH THIS SONG!
Please take the time to appreciate the big hair, stone-washed jeans, and random girl riding bareback on the beach. OH! And the line of fire....AND the same mountain top Britney sang "I'm not yet a woman" on. Actually, Bolton takes us on a unique and sensual tour of what appears to be the Southwest. Yee haw, Michael. I can't believe it's not butter...wait..wrong guy.
#12. Mariah Carey, "My All". ***Warning. If you have a dog, be nice and put headphones on. Some of these notes, like at the start of the song, may be offensive to them***
#13. Schubert,"Ave Maria". So many versions of this song. Absolutely one of my favorite songs...reminds me of funerals, though. So do fresh flowers.
#14. Sarah Brightman and Winchester Boys Choir, "Pie Jesu". Love it love it love it. Loved it since I was 6 years old...
#15. Coldplay, "The Scientist". I appreciate Natasha Bedingfield's version. Right right right.
#16. Heart, "Alone". Because we can ALL relate to this song. Period. The End. Roll the credits.
#17. Gavin Degraw, "Lover be Strong". This song is brilliant. Gavin is underrated. And that's all I'm going to say about all that.
#18. Chris Isaak, "Life will go on". This was in the movie, "Chasing Liberty". Um...I heard it and cried. I couldn't find a version with only Chris singing. No clue why Cyndi is in it. Go have fun, Cyndi.
#19. Phil Collins, "Against all odds". Again, anyone have a Kleenex or a gun? Just kidding about the gun, but I'll take the tissue.
#20. Dave Matthews, "Stay or Leave". Obviously, he did not stay. And that's why it makes me sad.
#21. ***BONUS TRACK*** Jack Johnson, "Sitting, waiting, wishing". I sit. I wait. I wish. And it's not without tears. Oh, Jack....
My heart will go on, Jack. I mean, right?
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