Friday, September 7, 2012

why you should write in ryan gosling on the 2012 presidential ballot

While the Democrats are talking about "hope and change", and the Republicans count their money as the rest of us sit back and watch, I have decided to take on the role of Ryan Gosling's campaign manager for the 2012 election (he may or may not have approved this endeavour). In 2008, the American people voted for a man that they knew virtually nothing about. That man became President of the United States of America. Most Americans actually know more about Ryan Gosling than they currently know about our very own president. Here are 12 reasons why you ought to write in Ryan Gosling on your ballot this November.
***The following message has been approved by every single woman and roughly 47% of men in The United States of America***

 1. Housing for the homeless. We could throw money at programs such as Habitat for Humanity and Section 8, but there is really no need if your president can build homes himself. Start hammering, Ryan.

2. The Arts. While most politicians are forced to cut budgets for the arts, especially in our schools, we need a leader that can teach our future how to dance, sing, and generally be awesome. Take it away, 14 year old Ryan...




Take it away (again), adult Ryan.











3. Economic Prodigy. At a young age, Ryan Gosling was destined to tackle our economic challenges.

4. THIS.

5. aaaaaand, THIS.

6. Automotive Bailouts. He is a long time supporter of automotive bailouts. He loves to drive, then bail. These bailouts saved the Big Three.

7. Animal Rights. Do I actually need to explain this?

Actually, this picture looks like it needs an explanation. Kind of weird now that I look at it. The one below is much better.

8.  Foreign Policy. Ryan Gosling is a huge humanitarian with a lot of international experience.

9. Reproductive Rights. Thank God, right?

10. He's one of us. He once said, "Ich bin ein Berliner". Wait-no he didn't. He actually said " If you're a bird, I'm a bird". Mr. Gosling, I will be whatever you want me to be. Ask not what you can do for lost my train of thought.

11. He's Canadian. Enough said, eh?

12. Equal Opportunity Advocate. He will fight for equal treatment and rights for ALL Americans. Take this doll, for example. He's reading to her.

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