Can you please save MY seat?

Things were a bit crazy today at my local grocery store. People buying last minute condiments and ice for family parties, backyard BBQ's, and bonfires for the holiday. I slowly drove up and down each aisle (is that what you call rows in parking lots?). Let me try that one again....

I drove up and down each row in the parking lot. We all know the signs to look for and the odds that each one of the following offers for a valued spot.

1. Mother walking with her kid(s) and a shopping basket. If the kids are old enough to walk on their own, this is the most ideal situation that involves kids. If the mom is smart, she will have her kids help load the groceries into the car. If the kid(s) are in a stroller or seated in the front of the shopping cart....continue driving. You are better off parking in the back of the lot and walking. That was sexist of me. This scenario can also be "Father walking with kids".

2. A single person with a single bag. Hands down best scenario. UNLESS the person has an arm extended, gripping their keys and looking dumbfounded. How can you forget where you parked? Actually, I'm usually that idiot walking around aimlessly. Be courteous and make it known you are lost. * Not the best decision if you are in a bad neighborhood. Always walk with a purpose, even if you don't know where you parked. Others don't need to know that*

3. The weave-and-walk shopper. You all know who you are and we hate you. If you forgot where you parked, that is completely okay. However, please see above....please extend your arm and at least pretend to hit the "panic" button on your key fab. This immediately lets everyone else know that you do NOT know where your car is. It could take a while. Continue driving, move on...

The people that CHOOSE to walk in between cars and through rows are annoying and pretty inconsiderate. You KNOW where your car is parked, but rather than walking in strategic, reasonable, and obvious routes, YOU think it's more fun to deliberately walk like you are in a corn maze. You get more "what the hell" points, if you continue this behavior when a car is clearly "stalking" you in the lot. At least have the decency to acknowledge them and point toward the direction of your car. You get brownie points if you mouth, "I'm the red Explorer". Or, "I'm not leaving". You know, REALLY shake your head side to side...exaggerate the "NOT" in leaving.

4. Plants and other Awkward Cargo. This one is obvious. Don't bother following people pushing 2 by 4's or pine trees...it WILL take a while. However, if you are really bored, it's often entertaining to watch how the common consumer tries to tie down a king mattress to the hood of a small car. Delivery is usually only $50.00, and it's typically worth it, people. Most of us get a kick out of passing you on the road. We really appreciate your arm sticking out the window and gripping whatever is on top. Like your hand is really going to hold down drywall, buddy.


I follow the "3-row rule" (actually, I made that up). You drive down only 3 rows. If you do not find a spot or a person that falls into one of the "good scenarios" within that area...drive to the back of the lot and walk. Unless you have a sprained ankle or need to return a washing machine, walking is usually the best bet. You will be in the store and trying on that cute wedge in a size 8 before most idiots out in the lot put their car in "P".


Now that we have gone over the basics, here is where the real problem lies. The feeling of entitlement and ownership of "public space" in this country baffles me. How many times have you said (sometimes in nicer words than others), "HEY LADY, you took MY spot!". Not to sound like a 5-year old, but I have to ask...was your name on it? Nooooooo. What qualified that spot to be "yours"?

As I was inching down one of the rows in the parking lot at Kroger this afternoon, I followed the best scenario. A young guy was walking out with a case of beer (I guess that is a good scenario in more ways than one, but anyway). He was parked in the first spot next to a handicapped spot. I was driving toward the store, following him from the "front" if you will. I immediately put my turn signal on, and as he pulled out, a dark blue minivan turned the corner like a crazy mom out of a PTSA meeting, and slid into "my spot". No turn signal. No regard for the safety of shoppers. And certainly did not acknowledge me waiting and my intent to drive into the spot. I intentionally waited there until the driver got out of the van. "PSh. I thought to myself. You can have "my" spot. You AND your "I love my Pug" t-shirt. Loser. I felt better in knowing I was better than her in little ways, my car being one of them. Isn't it funny how we do that? If she was in a REALLY nice car, I would have said.."Who do you think you are? Just because you drive a Range Rover you think you own the lot?", opposed to, "Wow. You can take your old beat up Kia and HAVE my spot". I'm amazed with how angry I get when someone takes "my spot". But, what can you do? Chase her into the store like a crazy person, yelling foul words? Flick her off? Scowl at her? Honk your horn? I mean, right?

Kroger owns that space. While maybe 1/10th of a cent that you are spending on that half gallon of 2% may go to maintaining that "space"...it is far from "yours". Yes, I know you shop there every single Sunday, but again...NOT your space.

This phenomenon extends deeper into society then shopping malls and grocery stores. Private ownership of public space occurs at sporting events, movie theaters, planes, waiting rooms, casinos, and restaurants.

How many of us have asked a COMPLETE stranger next to us in Gate C15, "Hey, would you mind watching my stuff while I go to the restroom?". "Sure, no problem", they always say back. Why don't more people respond with, "I'm not so sure I feel comfortable to be responsible for your belongings while you pee". People leave the well-being of their laptops, carry on's, food, guitars, etc. in the hands of complete strangers! The ONLY thing you have in common with this person is your 5:44 flight from DTW to LGA. I mean, right?

What these people are "watching" is not necessarily just your copy of Cosmo or your Northface fleece.What they are doing, in essence, is holding "your" seat. Same with movie theaters. "You go get the popcorn and Sour Patch Kids and I will save you a seat". Seinfeld had a great episode on this...saving seats in theaters. What gives YOU the right to "hold" a seat for someone else and, furthermore, who decided that a jacket or sweater was the universally recognized garment for "occupied". Seats taken, can't sit here.

How about at bars. I was at Memphis Smoke last night, up on the roof. Place was PACKED. My group eyed the crowds and the picnic tables that were scattered around the patio. Most of these tables could comfortably sit 8, but many only had 3 or 4 people present. My sister looked at me and said..."Why don't we try to sit next to those guys. There are only two of them and they have that big table". It worked. They were cool about it, until our guy friends sat down. My sister's words? "Hey, do you guys mind sharing your table?". It's not THEIR table, though. I mean, right? They didn't pay for it. Did they make it? No.

Sporting events and concerts are no exception. You don't OWN that seat, you are simply "renting" it for an agreed amount of time and/or conditions. Usually, if it's reserved seating you are okay. General admission? Gooooood luck. There is essentially nothing stopping anyone from "taking" your seat. I don't care how many times your friend says, "she will be right back". Is this an American thing or a universal practice? I'm confused.

If it's an American thing, then I think we can guess where it originated from. By default I think "we" feel a sense of entitlement and/or ownership. The American "seat" was essentially already taken when the pilgrims landed on Plymouth Rock. * I know the pilgrims were NOT the first people to "discover" America. For the sake of fluidity and argument, just go with it*. The Native Americans were just that...native (at least MORE native than those that followed). They had their jacket on the seat. The WHOLE lot was filled with their cars. I mean, right? Apparently, they were in a tow-away zone. Doesn't really seem fair, eh?

Or, maybe it's human nature to have the "mine" mentality. "That's MY seat. That's MY parking spot. That's MY table." What makes it yours? What are the terms of this temporary ownership?
Were we always like this? Will we change? Is this even a bad thing?

20 songs that make me cry...is this weird?

I could be in the best mood, EVER...but when I hear certain songs. I'm a wreck. Maybe not a "wreck", but I fear my contacts will fall out from the additional moisture.

Here are some: (actually, I just figured out how to incorporate video into Blogs, so...I needed an excuse)

#1. Gavin Degraw's Version of "Tracks of My Tears":




#2. Johhny Lang, "Breakin' Me". Considering he was only 17 when he recorded it simply amazes me.


#3. Kelly Clarkson, "Beautiful Disaster". I think we all know why this song makes me sad...please don't make me explain it again.


#4. Jet, "Look what you've Done". It gone done make me cry each and every time



#5. John Mayer, "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room". How poetic...aaaaand it makes me cry.



#6. Candlebox, "Far Behind". I was never left by anyone, but I typically leave people. Forget, no explanation, just love the song


#7. Snow Patrol, "Run". (However, I really think Leona Lewis sings it better...so....)


Actually, Leona is WAY better....




#8. Sinead O'Conner (Prince), "Nothing Compares to You"
.....................please. This song has eat ice cream and read Jane Austen ALL over it. Sure, she had her breakdown with the Catholic Church, but haven't we all.



#9. Andrea Bocelli, "Con te Partiro" "Time to Say Goodbye". No clue what he is singing, but the title is enough to make me cry.



#10. Elvis, " I can't help falling in love with you". It was my parents wedding song. Borderline cheesey, yes...BUT, when you see them slow dance to it (even in the kitchen), you cry. I love my parents therefore I love this song.



#11. Bryan Adams, "Please forgive me". For some odd reason, I LOVE the pseudo apologetic ballads. I always thought this song was about him asking for forgiveness because he messed up(until like 5 months ago). Oh, no...he wants you to forgive him because he loves you SOOOO much. Ah, beautiful.



#11.5 Michael Bolton, "Said I loved you but I lied". I LITERALLY thought he lied about loving someone, until I listened to the lyrics around Christmas time when the song came on Pandora. HE FEELS MORE than love. Therefore, he "lied" when he said he "loved" you. It's so so so much more than that. YOU ALL KNOW I AM OBSESSED WITH THIS SONG!

Please take the time to appreciate the big hair, stone-washed jeans, and random girl riding bareback on the beach. OH! And the line of fire....AND the same mountain top Britney sang "I'm not yet a woman" on. Actually, Bolton takes us on a unique and sensual tour of what appears to be the Southwest. Yee haw, Michael. I can't believe it's not butter...wait..wrong guy.





#12. Mariah Carey, "My All". ***Warning. If you have a dog, be nice and put headphones on. Some of these notes, like at the start of the song, may be offensive to them***



#13. Schubert,"Ave Maria". So many versions of this song. Absolutely one of my favorite songs...reminds me of funerals, though. So do fresh flowers.



#14. Sarah Brightman and Winchester Boys Choir, "Pie Jesu". Love it love it love it. Loved it since I was 6 years old...



#15. Coldplay, "The Scientist". I appreciate Natasha Bedingfield's version. Right right right.



#16. Heart, "Alone". Because we can ALL relate to this song. Period. The End. Roll the credits.




#17. Gavin Degraw, "Lover be Strong". This song is brilliant. Gavin is underrated. And that's all I'm going to say about all that.



#18. Chris Isaak, "Life will go on". This was in the movie, "Chasing Liberty". Um...I heard it and cried. I couldn't find a version with only Chris singing. No clue why Cyndi is in it. Go have fun, Cyndi.



#19. Phil Collins, "Against all odds". Again, anyone have a Kleenex or a gun? Just kidding about the gun, but I'll take the tissue.



#20. Dave Matthews, "Stay or Leave". Obviously, he did not stay. And that's why it makes me sad.




#21. ***BONUS TRACK*** Jack Johnson, "Sitting, waiting, wishing". I sit. I wait. I wish. And it's not without tears. Oh, Jack....



My heart will go on, Jack. I mean, right?

"Just Friends". Psh, like that's a BAD thing?

We have all heard and said the phrase, "we are just friends". What does that mean to you? I can only hope that others share my opinion of what it really means to be a "friend". If so, there is no need for a just. A true friendship is one of the most beautiful, heartbreaking, and fulfilling relationships you can be part of. Maybe I'm too sensitive, but I often take offense when people say, "we are just friends". What the heck. People say "just" when they are blowing something off. I mean, right? If you are hanging out with someone that prompts you to say "just" before saying "friend", maybe you ought to refer to them as an acquaintance. Someone you are friendly with but would be okay if you never saw them again.

Think about it. "What are you watching". If it's important to you, you will call it by name. "Oh, I'm watching Kings". If it's a lame Lifetime movie (you should not be watching them, by the way), you may say, "Oh, just some movie".

What separates a friend from "just" a friend? Even a boyfriend or girlfriend is a "friend" by default. It's tacky to refer to them as your "lover". "Significant other" is just weird. I have MANY significant others. Come on. A friendship goes through many life cycles. I think that is the hardest part for me to accept. Not all "friends" that enter your life are meant to be there forever. I treat friendships (with both men and women), like a marriage. I'm in it for the long hull, people. I have intentionally cut "friends" out of my life. I treated these situations like true break ups. I listened to sad songs, ate Ben and Jerry's, you know-the usual. I always know and hope, that one day our paths will cross again. Yes, even with those people that I once swore I "hated". Because, at one point...it was right. They were right. Everything worked. Then one day it just stopped working.

The dust will settle. It may take 5 minutes or 5 years, but one day you will wake up and say..."I miss this person". You forget why you cut them out. You only recall the good memories. Something reminds you of them. You are left with the decision...put them back into the game or leave them on the bench.


I think in our early 20's we often hang out with people that share similar interests with us. Our grade school friends may be far away. You drift apart. You meet these "new" friends at parties, in class, through other friends, etc. You share no history, just a promising future. Interests can change like the weather, as can circle of friends. People that were always in your life, you no longer have a desire to be around. I'm not talking about one major "blow out" fight over a guy, or an argument that seemed REALLY intense at the time. It's pretty hard to describe...I know the feeling, just not the words.

In our mid 20's-early 30's, before a lot of us "start a family", we are a bit more picky about who we associate with. When we befriend people of the opposite sex we see them as potential mates, not just prom dates (eh....or office party dates). We want our core group to truly enrich our lives, not just pick up a round of drinks on a Saturday night. After I cut out some girls from my life (you know you who are and you know who I'm talking about), I was sad. I missed all of our good times downtown, uptown, and all around. We really caused a scene everywhere we went. They are beautiful, outgoing, and smart girls...but, it just stopped working for me one day. Like falling out of love, I fell out of friendship. You can care about someone without having them in your life (as weird as that sounds). I take comfort in knowing that.

I asked myself this question: If I were to meet _____________ for the first time tonight, would I want to be friends with them? I think many of us keep people in our lives because of shared history...when that is all you have. When you are more fond of the memories of people than you are of them...it may be time to reevaluate the relationship. I mean, right? Or is that what true friendship is-sticking with each other through thick and thin? Like a marriage...it needs work. When both parties are not in it anymore...you make the choice. Whether you act on this choice is a different story. Enter stage left the "awkward friend conversation". You know, the standard questions "what have you been up to", "where are you working"...black and white answers dangle where colorful dialog once stood. Is this making sense to anyone?

I think about all the people, men and women, that I have deeply and whole heartily cared about in my life. Each and every single one of them never left the "friend" realm. I have friends in my life that I could see myself being with forever more than guys I have casually "dated". Some people jump right into a romantic relationship and skip the foundations of friendship. What exactly are they basing the relationship on? (actually, don't answer that. We all know...)

I don't know where I was going with this. Maybe I sang "just a friend" a few too many times with my "friend", Biz. "Just Friends" is one of my favorite movies. Not only is it hilarious, it really hits home with me. Can't forget Gavin Degraw's song, "Just Friends". Another favorite. I guess my point is this. Think before you speak. Is this person "just" a friend? Are they like a Lifetime movie that you can start watching at any given point and mindlessly stare at? Or, are they your favorite show? Surround yourself with the favorite shows...even if you DVR them...don't miss an episode and enjoy the reruns.



You all know how obsessed I am with this song:




And this man:

Stupid, Dad...commercials are for smart people

I stopped by my parents house to scrounge around for appliances I still needed, but can't yet bring myself to buy. For example, a coffee maker, power washer, and a leaf-blower (is that the proper name?). I sat down for a bit with my dad to watch 24, a shared favorite, and felt the comforts of "home" once again.

We channel surfed during commercials, only to catch commercials on other networks. Some of these commercials upset my dad. "Oh great", he said, "another commercial that makes Dad look dumb. Stupid Dad, can't you cook? Oh, there goes DAD again, taking the last piece of Little Caesar's Pizza. How greedy is HE!"

I almost always agree with my dad, but RARELY will I let him know this. I argue for the sake of arguing, especially with him. He has a tendency to "preach", like most of us Reeds. This quickly gets annoying. However, I immediately agreed with him on this one-WHY do commercials, regardless of the brand, always tend to make men looks like complete idiots? Even commercials that are directed towards men seem to put'em down. Does that actually sell products?

One of my favorite ones is for Yoplait Light Yogurt. You know, the "Boston Creme Pie, Apple Turnover diet". The woman is on the phone with a girlfriend talking about how she lost ALL this weight eating Strawberry Cheesecake and Key lime Pie. Meanwhile, you can see her boyfriend/husband frantically scanning the open fridge, pushing food aside and looking dumbfounded. Where is the Boston Creme Pie!!!!! Psh, STUPID man...your wife lost all her weight by eating Yoplait Light Yogurt-H-E-L-L-O!

I have a few issues with this. Forgive me if my philosophy of gender classes come out a bit. It bothers me that the man does not know what is/is not in the fridge. We can assume he is clueless because he never helps his wife/girlfriend shop. Shouldn't be know that there isn't any Apple Turnovers or Key lime Pie in the fridge? He probably spends all his time playing video games. Stupid man, I mean right? He didn't even realize his girlfriend lost weight..check out the end of the commercial. "Babe-what are you doing", she asks. Annoyed.

(I FOUND THE COMMERCIAL)

Another great one.


Yup. Of COURSE ALL women think they are fat. Of COURSE all men are sensitive to this issue. Please. 110 calories seems like the standard for 3/4 cup-1 cup of dry cereal. What upsets me is that the man is portrayed as being "stupid" about all of it. The woman sits there, chomping on her Multi-Grain Cheerios, as the man digs himself in a bigger and bigger hole. Until FINALLY, he says, "Shut up Steve". Ick, he even spoke in third person. I did not think this commercial was funny or cute. It's annoying.

Still waiting for Sonic to come to the Detroit area, but until then:



Thinking a shake is hot....stupid man.



It's great when adults play "clueless" with their kids. I did it all the time when I babysat this one family. The kids would hide when I came over and I would always say.."Hmmmm, where could Andrea be?". Is she under the table? Noooooooooo. Is she in the broom closet? Noooooooooo. Andrea?! Where are you?" I knew damn well she was always in the laundry room, hiding behind baskets of clothes. But you humor them. In the commercial below, stupid Dad is not "playing clueless". He IS clueless. Stupid Dad.





The next video I think I take the most offense to. Not only was my Dad a "Mr. Mom" (he cooked, cleaned, ironed my clothes, and even did my hair when I was really young). He was also the BEST night-before-the-project-was-due-come-to-your-rescue-kind-of-guy. I cannot tell you HOW many projects he helped me start and complete the night before. FAR from clueless.

Do I need to say more? I mean, right?

Hello? Is this thing on....of course. It always is.

Somewhere between my Mother calling me 10 times today and a dear friend asking if I was alive because I missed her call...I asked myself, "How DID we all communicate before cell phones". How was business done? Imagine dating back in the day without cell phones. "Sorry I never showed up for dinner. I called your house, but you already left".

I remember 10th grade...the first time I had my own cell phone. The Motorola Startac-it was my mom's old phone. I thought I was da coolest. I remember going to downtown Birmingham, Caribou Coffee...the theater...Max and Erma's, and allowing my peers to use my phone. How powerful I felt. I had a way to communicate without having to pay 30 cents. There was no text messaging, caller ID, and definitely no GPS. Whoa, do you remember when color screens came out? I felt like Dorothy when I flipped it open....far from Kansas.

I would always do lunch with my girlfriends in high school, Steph and Kaytie being my regulars. Ladies-did we just meet at the gym doors? How did it work, I forget. What if someone was sick...how did we know? Or, if something came up? I don't recall ever being stood up.

"making out in the green grass...behind the stadium with you"

Van, what if the Brown Eyed Girl never picked up the phone? Or, if she wasn't home when you arrived to pick her up?

"kiss me through the phone", okay Soulja Boy. No problemo. I have a phone. You have a phone. He has a phone. She has a phone. Hell, my old school German Oma has a phone. She doesn't know how to use it, but she has one. (she also doesn't know how to operate her badass flat screen, power washer, or power locks in her car). That's okay though.

I will keep this one short and sweet...you all know I have a tendency to go on and on and on and on....I just wanted to know how DID they do it? I feel naked, incomplete, and totally lost without my Blackberry. I freak out when my phone dies. What if I get the most important call of my life? I mean, right?

If it's that important...they will call back. They always do.

$1.00, 99% Accurate.

I went to the Dollar Tree today to pick up some cheap St. Patrick's Day hats, streamers, buttons, etc.

It was in Rochester Hills, not the ghetto.

As the nice lady scanned my purchases, I noticed the following displayed at the POS: Juicy fruit gum, batteries, disposable plastic fork-floss things, and a pregnancy test.

I looked at the box, glanced up at the lady and said, "Really", and then I glanced over at the pregnancy test again.

"Since when does the Dollar Store sell pregnancy tests?", I asked (pretty upset about the whole situation)

"Since we have been selling condoms", she laughed out.


I took my receipt and my 2 cents (literally) in change.


She WAS kidding. I mean, right?

"LIFE". Take 4. Action.

Before you go to bed you experience the "movie reel" from your day. A string of images or scenarios from the day-you can stop, rewind, replay, pause, fast forward...everything but erase or record. For many of us, our movie reels focus on "should haves". We replay that 2:00pm job interview, what would we have said different? Or, we revisit dinner with the cute guy from the gym...except we add a different ending. We fantasize about hypotheticals, while we analyze what really happened. At least the way we remember it happened. But what happens when you struggle to separate what really happened from the way you wanted it to happen. Naturally we ought to be able to direct our own movie reel. I mean, right? Is this what it truly means to "be a dreamer"? Technically, you are not dreaming when you are viewing your "movie reel". But here lies the problem. For many of us, we drift into a dream before our movie reel rolls the credits. Then what?

Maybe my movie reel is the cause of most of my anxiety. If it were at Blockbuster, it would surely be in the "suspense" or "drama" section. I will rewind more than I fast forward, because I tend to live in the past. Or, I will change around a current situation with elements I know do not exist. For the most part, I think that movie reels are our therapy. You are essentially having a conversation with yourself- your doubts, goals, insecurities, and hopes. You may not always have control over what really happened, but you always have the ability to reinvent what could have been. The way you would want it, anyway.

The baby behind me was inconsolable. Whaling- this was no ordinary cry. As I fumbled to get out my Visa, the woman behind the counter looked at me, practically rolling her eyes. She asked "is it 4 o'clock yet?", without saying a word. While I make it a point to not stare at crying babies or their parents (including but not limited to: on planes and doctors offices). I will make a point to stare at restaurants. If you are able to excuse yourself, please do. Go outside, or to the lounge, SOMEPLACE where you can tell your baby to shut the hell up. Shopping is no exception. Half the mothers at Somerset Mall, I mean "The Collection", couldn't care less if their child disrupts shoppers at Bebe, or terrorizes the elevator at Nordstrom. I don't know what it is about Mothers and shopping. Like all responsibilities of parenting are called off. I mean, right? I will delve into that another time, though.

While the woman began to remove the security tags from my purchases, I turned around to see exactly what thing could produce such noise. The baby was around...I have no idea. I can guess the age of puppies, no problem. Humans are a different story. The mother felt HORRIBLE, I could tell. As soon as I turned around to just glance at the scene, she immediately said, "Ear infection. I'm so sorry."

"awwww, poor girl!", I said with sad eyes. I mean, I didn't see my eyes, but I imagined they looked "sad".
"Yeah, HE has been uncomfortable for a few days now. Thought taking HIM out of the house would help distract HIM".

The kid had a full head of golden locks. Curly, of course. Jeans and a salmon colored shirt (it had to have been Baby J Crew, or something). I'm telling you it was salmon, MAYBE terracotta. Rosy little cheeks, gorgeous eye lashes, which were emphasised by the tears, and a cute little stuffed frog graced HIS lap.

"Oh gosh, well I hope HE feels better soon!", I uttered under my blushing ears.

I swiped my credit card, signed, took my receipt and ran out. How embarrassing. During the short walk from Banana Republic to the mall entrance, I made a point to check out every single stroller that I crossed paths with. I played the, "Boy or girl" game. It was so easy to determine the sex of the baby. Most had clear indications like, ribbons or barrettes in hair, a train on the t-shirt, or little size -7 Puma's. I felt a little better, and blamed me not knowing the sex of the baby at B. Republic the fault of the mother.

I thought I was over it, until it popped up in my movie reel later that night. What would I have said differently? Oh, that was easy! I would have just said, "awwwww, poor thing". Even though a baby is not a "thing", at least...I don't know, no...I didn't feel right about calling him a "thing" either. I could have said, "awwww. Why are YOU crying, sweetie?" Yeah, I felt good about saying that. But, would I only have said that if the Mother spoke to me first? Are babies like dogs? Should you ask permission from the owner before you pet or interact with them? Some parents are weird about that. I mean, right? As I hit rewind, recalling the features of the baby, I most likely made his features more feminine than they actually were. Anything to justify my mistake. Yeah, HE did look more like a girl. It's not MY fault that I called him a her. Then I started to blame the mother, like, "what the heck lady, put your kid in a Pistons jersey or something". After I replayed that scene, all elements fully controlled by me, I was able to move on. At least for that night.

There are many frames in my movie reel that continuously come up. Literally, for years I have hit rewind to try to recreate how things could have been. What I would have said differently, what I wish he would have said. Then I hit "fast forward", and create these fantastical scenes with him and I. What would I say if I saw him again? What would he say. How would I say it? Details down to word selection and hand movements are addressed in my movie reel-I direct the whole thing. I am the key grip, stylist, producer, director, actor, stand in, extra, writer. Everything. It can be the most liberating experience, until you hit pause. Then you realize that this scene is holding you back from rolling the credits. Credits are closure. I mean, right?

We should find comfort in knowing that we have control over something that no one else can possibly begin to understand. It is one thing to share with a friend over coffee what your dreams and amibitions are. It is a completely different thing to control those dreams and amibitions. At least, the way you would want them to play out. Every detail. Every word. I just need to hit fast forward more than rewind. I mean, right?